life, as we know it

4x12

2012-02-01T22:06:00.002-07:00

our first real 4x12. taken the weekend we came home as a foursome. i look phenomenal, i know. and clearly beth is really stoked to be a part of it. actually, her facial expression is probably a pretty good indicator of her attitude this month. though i will give her credit - she's gotten much better. those first couple weeks were rough, not gonna lie. but she's mellowed out a bit now and back to her old sweet and generally obedient self again. generally. :)

yes friends, i believe we've come into our own. after three weeks with the little man finally here, it really feels good and natural and easy to have added him to the family. with a few tweaks here and there i think we've all found our place and our rhythm as a family of four. and it's glorious!

hyde is so great and mellow. well, so far, i'll say. he doesn't cry much - just when needs to be moved a little bit, or when he's getting a bath. still doesn't love that yet. but we're working on it. he also doesn't sleep quite as long as beth did during the night - he's pretty consistent on the 3 hour meal plan (sometimes less). so we have to wake up to eat about 3 times in the night, but somehow i'm okay with it. i'm managing and even though i should be, i don't feel exhausted or crazy tired the next day like i'd expect. i consider that miraculous.

it's still kind of weird think that i have two kids. to say that i am the parent of children. but the awkwardness of that is also wearing away quickly and i can tell that i'm rapidly getting to that point where it feels like he's always been here. like we've always had two kids. i like that i'm getting there.

he hit 3 weeks yesterday and i can't believe it. i can't believe i haven't been at work for nearly a month - it goes by so much faster than i want it to... for now i'm just soaking it up though. i figuring it out. how to take care of and manage two and be the kind of mom i want to be for both of them. that's still a work in progress, but i have to say i love being a mom. seriously. i LOVE being a mom. greatest thing ever.

the trick

2012-01-27T20:50:00.002-07:00

okay, so my last post was kind of a downer. so maybe i was/am going through sort of a grieving period over beth changing and becoming a little more.... stubborn. not the girl i've had the last two years. but life has changed for her too and she's dealing with it. and i get that. but i think i may have found the trick to help.

the last few days i've put hyde in his crib for a couple hours during the day while he naps, rather than let him sleep on the couch or in his bouncy chair. and honestly? it's made a huge difference. when he's there, beth isn't distracted by him (if that's the right word) and she and i have that old Q time again. and i think she likes that. i get a lot more "okay mommy"s than the emphatic "NO" and man, is it music to my ears.

so yesterday while he slept, beth and i made muffins. delicious banana blueberry muffins. we had such a good time. she was so into it and helpful and funny and messy - i loved every minute of it.

after that she was awesome the whole day. more like the beth i better recognize. it was a really, really good day. good for both of us. hyde probably doesn't mind being left alone while he's sleeping either.... ;)

and little miss?

2012-01-24T15:03:00.005-07:00

well, she is learning to adjust like the rest of us. i wonder if without her knowing it, it's been the hardest for her. which makes it hard for me. because i still want her to feel special and know that i love her just as much, even though now there's a new kid in town who's stolen another part of my heart.

she's changed a little bit in the last couple of weeks - there is a lot more whining, a lot less listening, definitely some tantrum throwing and suddenly going to bed is like asking her to throw her favorite toy into the mouth of an enormous volcano - she just isn't having it. i'm not sure how much of that is because of hyde and how much of it is just her being two. probably a little bit of both.

she loves hyde and always wants to hold him and play with him. she likes to point out that he has eyes and poke at them or grab his hands and make him dance. innocent and fun, but the poor kid hates it.

so we're still working to find a balance - i try to still spend good quality time with her and praise her when she does good things. but i also find that i'm becoming harder on her when she doesn't. i'm not sure if it's because i'm tired and my patience is thin, or if it's just the natural progression of raising a kid - you discipline more as they act out more. i struggle with this. this has been the hardest part for me.

she is such a good girl. and becoming so dang smart it's unreal. so it kind of sucks to not feel like i have that really good, obedient girl all the time. because i don't. it's just different now. and i know it's just a phase and it will all work itself out. but right now i feel like we're in the thick of it.

sigh....

i just miss her i guess. i miss that Q time with her where we'd laugh and play with zero tears. we still have time together now, i mean, the little man still sleeps a billion hours a day. but she's changed and growing and the tears and struggles come a lot more often. we are all working through it, socks on hands and all...

we found her like this when we checked on her before we went to bed. hilarious, right? and not the first time either...

some pictures of beth and i having a family room picnic the weekend before hyde came:

ps: i'm all for advice right now... give me the best you got. how do i chill out and just roll with it better? am i tripping out over nothing? am i just the crazy hormone lady? anyone?... anyone?

i'm ready for normal... whatever that is

2012-01-15T16:25:00.006-07:00

the second time around is every bit as beautiful and fulfilling as the first. the only difference is i knew i could expect that. i had no idea with the first one just how magical bringing life into this world would be. i was overwhelmed by it, and caught off guard at how much i instantly felt for a stranger. my stranger, nonetheless. but this time i knew all that was coming, and i allowed myself to just take it in. and i have. every moment i've had with him so far, i've just breathed him in and tried to tell him soul to soul how happy i am that he's here. it's incredible. even surreal in many ways the first little while. it's awesome. even still, it's a big change.

we've been home from the hospital for a couple of days now, and we're all still kind of trying to find our place. my body is still majorly out of whack - i'd even gotten used to the "normalcy" of being pregnant. beth is slowly learning how to live with a baby in our house (i'm not sure she gets that it's permanent just yet) and our day to day routine just isn't there. everything is a little bit different now. i feel different, and even though my life has been enriched with the addition of our son to our family, it's still a change, and now we are working to find our new rhythm. and it's that part that's the hard part. the transition to the new normal.

i think it wouldn't intimidate me so much (is that even the right word?) if i felt physically good and strong. but i just don't yet. those first couple of days were especially hard and my hormones are kind of going nutso on me. but i'm getting there and each day i feel better and better. but the mental part of it is so much easier when you feel physically ready. so yes, i'm ready for my body to feel normal too.

things will fall in to place soon, i know. the normal we knew before with just beth is gone now, and we're headed to a new place, a new routine, a new normal. a new us. as i was with beth, i am soaking up the newness of hyde and the little miracle that he is. a new life on the earth. a new life in mine. it's amazing to think of where he just came from and i feel so blessed to have a spirit so close to heaven now in my home. but i'm also so excited to watch him grow, see who he'll become, and discover his new found place in our family. i'm excited to find our new normal now that he's a part of it. i'm ready to be there, to fall into it, to feel comfortable there and to love it... whatever that normal will be.

a few favorites from home:

the little man arrives

2012-01-13T07:52:00.008-07:00

tuesday morning, 9 am, i'm just getting ready to leave the house to head in to work for a couple hours before going to the hospital at 11, and the phone rings. it's hank.

"hello?"

"answer your phone much?"

"i just finished getting ready... why, what's up?"

"the doctor's been trying to call you - they want to bump us up 30 minutes. he's coming at 12:30 today. we need to be there earlier."

what the...? my already racing, anxious, sleep-deprived mind just started moving even faster. not that 30 minutes is a big deal, and really i was grateful since i hadn't been able to eat anything since midnight and was starving. but it had been a whirlwind of a couple days trying to get things done and ready at work and at home and the culmination of having 30 minutes less time to do those things panicked me a little bit. it also gave me an adrenaline rush at the same time - i was going to get to meet my boy even sooner and i couldn't wait. i grabbed all my things, ran out the door, and let the butterflies take their place in my scrunched stomach. he was coming today!!!!

indeed he did.

at 1:02pm on january 10th, hyde douglas van orden came into the world weighing in at 7lbs, 15 oz. probably the only baby in my whole family to weigh less than 8 pounds! he's as beautiful as ever, healthy, and i think definitely going to be a banner baby. he seems calm and mellow - the docs even commented on his mild temperament during the snipping of his poor little man-parts - and i have loved holding him close to me and just taking him in. i can't think of anything much better than a fresh new babe, just arrived to the earth, all perfect and clean and untainted by the world. man, it's amazing. especially when it's yours. somehow or another that seems to make it exponentially better.

at any rate, here are a few pictures of the hyde-man's first few days of life.

and today we get to go home.

now a family of four.

catch up

2012-01-08T14:43:00.006-07:00

so this is going to be a pretty photo-heavy post. just too much to tell you all about and not enough time. so here are some snapshots, a quick look at christmas and some of the other goings on during the last few weeks that kept us busy....

beth was super into it this year, which made it so much fun

the 'rents and mitch came up on christmas day for some christmas dinner, and to exchange a few more gifts. we also got our christmas vacation on - hilarity. pure hilarity.

"eddie?!" "i hope you didn't do this all on our account clark" "eddie?!" surprised?" "if my head was sewn to the carpet i wouldn't be any more surprised than i am right now" oh man, good stuff right there. even beth was into it.

let's see if you can guess from the photos below who was into it the most....

the week after christmas beth and i went down to grandma and grandpa's house and hank went to freeze fest: where a bunch of crazies drive to no where in southern utah and canyoneer through some amazing canyons in the dead of winter. the water in the bottom of those canyons is often frozen and you have to break it in order to swim (yes, swim) through to keep going. hence the FREEZE in freeze fest. he had a good time. it actually looked pretty dang amazing. love that southern utah landscape.

beth got to play in the bubbles at grandma's. she LOVES to play in the water and bubbles. LOVES it.

we made a gingerbread house...

i know, it's amazing...

i got bigger:

nice work on the photo, courtesy of our very own hank van orden

we went and saw the lights at the botanical gardens:

(love that bottom photo)

some of us were lazy:

but all in all it's been an amazing end to a really good year. though it was busy, i was constantly grateful for all that we have. we really have a lot and are so blessed. i'm so excited to see what 2012 will bring to us....

next post: THE arrival (only 2 days away!!!)

3x12... and some other stuff

2012-01-01T22:21:00.002-07:00

alright, so i don't get blogger of the year award. it's been busy, ok? A LOT going on the last couple of weeks, with the holidays and training a new assistant and trying to finish up 3 photo sessions and getting ready for a baby boy and all.... sorry for my absence friends. here is a (sort of lengthy) update on us:

first, our december 3x12: we come full circle

almost exactly a year ago i posted a similar picture of the three of us lying around in bed on a saturday morning - it was our routine then. and our latest routine nearly mirrors that. only now it's pretty much every morning, not just the weekends. when beth wakes up (still around 6:30am, hardly ever later), she comes and knocks on our door. rarely have either of us gotten up for the day yet, so we let her lay in bed with us, and not long after she'll ask to watch a moomie. translation: movie. so we turn one one for her and let it entertain her for a bit while we get ready for the day, and until it's time to get her dressed for the day. we don't have very many kid movies, so we rotate between about 3 moomies every day. although this last month i did throw charlie brown's christmas into the mix, which was a huge hit. it made me happy. so this is us, typical us, on such a morning. with the holidays and a bit of time off work, we could lay around a little longer than usual, and i could get some decent light in the room. normally it's still dark out when she comes in. (thank goodness we're on the upside of winter solstice!!!). so full circle, yes. for the next 9 days anyway. speaking of....

an update on the little man: we've decided to c-section this kid out. i mean, let's just do this already! after a lot of going back and forth and trying to determine if a VBAC was worth the shot, we think in the long run it will be better to go for the sure shot and cut him out. i really wrestled with this one - for some reason it really weighed on me which route to take. but my dear sister put things in good perspective for me when she said (in summary) that it really doesn't matter how these new lives come into the world, even if we do have this "vision" of what we think it's supposed to be, or has to be. what matters is that we get them here safe and healthy. that's what's really important.... and she's totally right. there are pros and cons to each. but after talking with the doc about it (on many occasion) and seeing the last ultrasound, we decided to just schedule his entrance into the world via c-section and call it a day. so we're meeting with the doc that's going to do it on monday the 9th and will show up for our drive thru baby on.... (drumroll please....) tuesday january 10th!!! no big deal you guys. just another kid i'm responsible for. starting exactly on january 10th. no seriously, i totally got this. GULP. but seriously, so, so very excited for him to come. we focused ourselves this weekend and got a lot checked off the list of things that needed to get done, bought, or ready to go before he enters our lives and humble home. i feel so much less stress about it. i feel ready. just a couple more things to do, but it isn't much, and i would feel comfortable bringing him home right in this moment, where i couldn't have said that just a few days ago. but now i'm ready. we're ready. and so excited. that's nine days away!!!!!!! you and me little man...

so that's the biggest news. there is still so much more to tell about the last couple weeks. but i'll save that for another post - tomorrow perhaps...?

i've also been thinking about what i will bring in with the new year. i did pretty good with last year's list... for now, here is the start to this year's list of resolves:

document more of our regular daily lives. not just the big stuff, the events, but the little things that fill our time and lives. that is, after all, most of who we are.

live with the spirit more present in my life, particularly so that i can be a better wife and mom.

really work on my photography: both my skill set, and as an entrepreneur.

laugh more often and let the little things go. sometimes i get caught up in things that don't matter. this year i'm going to try to keep perspective, and make sure my life and the lives of those involved in mine are better, happier and just, full. that's what matters.

and lastly (for now), work to find that balance between wife, mom, and me. the trickiest one of all i suppose. but oh so necessary. if i feel balanced, i think all the rest of these will fall into place. i'm kind of banking on it.

more pictures and stories from the last two weeks to come....

you would think it was christmas morning.... but it wasn't.

2011-12-15T21:16:00.005-07:00

this little rascal seems to wake up earlier and earlier every dang day. this morning she was up and ready to go at 5:30am. 5:30am!!! seriously?! yep, seriously. she was knocking at our door, so we told her to go back to bed. and she went, crying all the way, but at least she went, and 10 minutes later was back again. once she's knocking on the door, it means she's been awake for a while and is up for the day. no going back to sleep. honestly.... it's like, all of a sudden with this new bed, she can miraculously run off 3 or 4 hours less sleep each day. she goes to bed later, she wakes up earlier than ever, AND if i'm lucky, i'll get an hour and half nap out of her during the day. where she used to go to bed at 7:30 and wake up at 7:30 with a 2-3 hour nap during the day, now we're asleep by 8:30, awake and ready to go by 6:30 (or earlier) and an hour nap in the middle. what the heck happened? she's still great about staying in bed and sleeping all the way through the night no problem - i'll give her credit, but i have to say, i kind of miss those longer naps and earlier nights. somehow that all changed, literally overnight.

5:30am.... little rascal.

enjoying breakfast this morning before leaving for the day. we may as well, since we've been UP FOR 2 HOURS ALREADY...!

MIGHTS!!!!!!

2011-12-08T20:29:00.004-07:00

that's beth for "LIGHTS!!!!"

she.goes.nuts. over them. it's hilarious! and has made our short drive home from work/daycare so much more interesting. to the point where she'll see lights on a house three streets away and yell "mights!"

so we often take the long way home and drive around the neighborhood, stopping in front of various houses that have dancing lights or moving reindeer or snowmen or an inflatable santa, and with her hands and nose pressed to the window, beth will point and say "whoaaaaa, mights!" while i sit in the drivers seat and gleefully egg it on with a giant smile on my face. i love that she loves it so much and is so entertained. and as we drive away she'll say "bye mights, bye mights" and wave her hand to wish them farewell. and not 3 seconds later is she squealing again and begging me to drive on. we've driven by the same houses day after day - with the occasional detour - and her excited level reaches a solid 9 every time. it's awesome.

it's funny... she saw an inflatable santa on the top of a shelf in a store aisle once a few weeks back and not knowing what it was she pointed to it and said "mommy, mommy!" so i explained that it was santa and we went about our shopping. three or four days later we saw another santa on a balloon or something totally random and she yelled, "mommy! santa!" and from then on she has pointed out every santa she can find or see. it's like she was born believing in christmas. girl after my own heart. we are having such a good time with it - i think it's awesome that she's so into it when she really doesn't have a clue what it all means or what's happening. it's like she innately feels the spirit of christmas and just knows that it means something good. do you think that's possible?

next weekend we're going down to the zoo to look at the zoo lights and i honestly can't wait to go. i can't wait to see her expression and watch her be surrounded by thousands and thousands of lights.

on another note, we're down to 5 weeks people. 5 weeks! went to the doc today, everything is feeling and sounding good. we have an ultrasound scheduled for the 28th to see if we can guess how big this kid is going to be when he comes out and if a natural birth is in my future. they told me if i go easy on the carbs and sugar it might help him from getting too fat. bad time of year to be telling me that doc. don't you know 'tis the season to eat your brains out???? sheesh. anyway, i'll be sure to share the pictures.

MIGHTS!!!!!

golden

2011-12-05T21:35:00.004-07:00

and this, my friends, is the sweet sight of success. after 8 days of learning, of the up and down, the interrupted nights, the getting past my fear of her rolling off the bed in spite of the rail guard, the late nights and long days, we finally made it. she goes to bed when it's time for bed, we no longer have to tell her to get back into bed, and she will put herself to sleep, just as she used to in her crib without a peep to be heard. it's amazing. or AMAZEBALLS as some i know like to put it. the only downfall is that she wakes up at 6:45 or 7am everyday, and comes into our room, now that she doesn't have to wait for us to get her. it's like clockwork, i tell you. no matter what time she goes to sleep, it's a guarantee that we'll get a knock at our door, or a small "mommy" that calls out in the wee hours of the morning. she used to sleep in some days. but nope, not anymore. clockwork. 7am everyday. but i'll take it if it means that bedtime is easy and not so much a struggle and we can all get a good nights sleep. i'm still not sure if we should take any credit (maybe we did something right?), or if she is just innately THAT GOOD. i tend to think it's the latter. i'm not getting my hopes up for the second one. well, maybe just a little bit...

3x12

2011-11-30T20:55:00.004-07:00

so grateful. so grateful for my good life and what i have. because i really do have it good. i'm grateful for a lot of things, but top 3 things i'm grateful for? here they are:

hank. the man. THE man. i'm grateful for him stepping up the plate and being there when i need him most. i'm grateful for his input, for our conversations, and for his help when i'm wrestling with a problem. i love his big arms that wrap around me and pull me close, making me feel safe from anything that might eat me alive. i'm grateful for how hard he works, and he does work hard to provide for us and give our little family such a wonderful and happy life. i'm grateful for the good dad that he is, and the way he plays with beth and obliges to her requests to dance or do things he probably never thought he'd do. but for his kid, he will. he'll do anything. he's an amazing dad and husband. love that guy.

beth. i fell in love with her all over again last week after taking the week off and being able to spend every second of every day with her. she is such a blast right now. we can actually communicate! (i'm incredibly grateful for communication.) we understand each other. she is learning and saying new words all the time, and it's like she turned into a little girl overnight. i'm grateful for her smile, for her cuddles, for the fact that she loves to be with me as much as i love to be with her, for her playfulness, and for her innately good heart. she loves to please, loves to laugh and tease, and be a part of everything that's going on. i'm grateful for our loud, funny moments and i'm grateful for our quiet ones. tonight as we were cuddling just before tucking her into bed (total success, by the way - we are golden), she whispered "knuckles" to me and held out her fist for me to hit back. she never moved her head from my shoulder as we knocked fists. i love moments like these and try so hard to permanently etch them in my mind. this girl is the light of my life. i am grateful for what she has brought and added to my soul.

and lastly, the new guy. i'm so excited and so ready for him to come. i can't imagine my heart being any more full, and worry that it's going to be split in half when he comes, but people tell me that your love just grows, it doesn't get taken away from one to go to another. that whole notion does nothing but get me stoked. i can hardly wait, and i'm so grateful that we've been blessed to have this little guy be a part of our family. i'm grateful that we've been entrusted with another one, and anxious for his arrival and the joy i know that will come with it.

it was good month. a good month to reflect on blessings and realize just how lucky we are and how good we have it. the perfect way to open up the holiday season - the happiest and most selfless time of year. hooray for these wonderful holidays!

update

2011-11-25T23:02:00.004-07:00

night 1: seamless. amazing. didn't get up. didn't hear from her once. at all. it was incredible. wasn't sure if we just got lucky, or if we actually did something right.

night 2: she figured out that we couldn't just put her in her crib and leave. therefore, she was super hyper, wanted to play all night, and didn't go down until 10:30. (she usually goes down at 7:30). DESPITE, once she went down, we didn't hear from her all night, and though the night was quite short for her, i'm just grateful that she slept all the way through. she was, however, really tired and cranky the next day.

night 3: somewhat better, but by default i think. after a long, busy day, she fell asleep on the way home from my parents house at 8:30, and let me transfer her from the car to the bed without waking up. again, we were all lucky enough to sleep through the night with zero interruption. i was starting to get excited that we were onto something.

night 4: COMPLETE DISASTER. went down and stayed down after getting up just once (improvement at least); however, an hour after hank and i went to bed we heard her outside our door, trying to get in and then crying after not being successful. hank changed her diaper and back to bed she went.... for a little while. then she was back at our door, trying to get in. can't remember who got up with her that time, since it happened 6 MORE TIMES AFTER THAT! none of us got any sleep that night. it was stellar. and a perfect way to kick off our thanksgiving. NOT. it seemed we were just going farther and farther backwards and i was actually considering giving her the paci again, to let it do just that: pacify so i could get a little shut eye. i held strong though, and didn't give in. i was very nervous about night #5.

night 5: fantastic. went to bed, didn't get up once, slept all the way through the night. after the previous night, it was AMAZEBALLS. i was so grateful. SO grateful, you have no idea. i even went to bed at 9:00 as a precautionary measure in case were were going to have a repeat of the night before. that would have allowed me at least 3 hours of sleep before doing it all over again. that, and i was just that tired. but it wasn't a repeat. she didn't get up once. it was glorious.

night 6: well, the jury's still out. but so far so good. didn't get up after putting her down, and two hours later, she's still sleeping soundly. so i'm praying that it's finally caught on. i really hope so. i'm running out of nights where i can afford even shorter sleeping time before going back to work. tonight, i'm optimistic....

this is huge

2011-11-20T21:38:00.008-07:00

HUGE.

it's been 45 minutes since i put beth down for bed, and i haven't heard a thing since. not a peep, not a move, not a cry, not anything.

this is normal for her - she usually goes down with no problem and puts herself to sleep just fine. but tonight, i expected trouble.

explanation: last night was our last night in this:

and tonight, our first night in a big girl bed. (insert panicked deep breaths here)

we've been blessed with this girl and her sleeping habits, let me tell you. it's been a dream. sleeping through the night at 6 weeks, able to put herself to sleep without needing to be rocked by 10 weeks, and ever since has we've been able to just put her in her crib, and whether she's tired or not plays no role as she'll eventually just fall asleep when she's ready without making a sound.

but i didn't have my hopes up that tonight would be that easy. i'm still holding my breath... (been an hour now, though), and knocking on wood that i haven't jinxed it by posting this. not to mention we also put her to bed without the paci - another first. we figured we'd try killing two birds with one stone. (holding, holding) ...ask me again how it went in the morning.

but it was time. the little man is going to need the crib, and rather than wait until he comes to take it from her, i'd rather she be all settled in that new bed of hers for a couple months. so it worked out that tonight is the night. this is the week that it's all going down.

bye bye crib. hello big girl bed.

hello big girl. man, time flies....

some days are just hard

2011-11-14T20:04:00.006-07:00

i'm just going to say it. some days are just really hard. and it's not that there's any huge or earth shattering reason why, but in the moment it seems like there are a hundred things that aren't going your way, and you just want to cry. because you just need to get it out.

today was one of those days. there wasn't any one major event that made it a rough day, it just feels like things (work, home, baby, etc) are piling up and i'm unable to keep up or be emotionally/mentally/physically capable of handling it all. so much of it is that i'm just so.dang.tired i think. after not really having slept in 7 months (pregnancy likes to mess with me that way) i'm just not me. i just don't have the energy i normally do. and heaven knows i just don't have the patience and drive i like to think i normally have. i'm worn out by 3:00 in the afternoon and so often getting through the rest of the day feels like such a struggle. it's terrible. i feel terrible. i feel like i'm not being the wife and mom i should be.

so after today's especially difficult-for-no-reason day (can i blame horomones???), i spent the drive home from work anxious and worried that it would be a long and hard night with beth, as it sometimes is. if i'm honest, i was dreading it. sometimes it's a fight to get her to want to come home with me from daycare (she sees me and screams and runs the other way... that's always awesome as a mom), sometimes she pushes away all the food i make for her for dinner, sometimes she cries when i tell her no or ask her to put something she shouldn't be playing with away, sometimes she pulls and tugs at me, begging me to carry her around everywhere and cries when i don't. and i just wasn't ready for it tonight. i just knew i couldn't handle it. i was on the verge of total meltdown. (which would be the first this time around, so really i'm doing pretty good, but still...) i was worried i wouldn't be able to breathe deep enough before lashing out at her, or losing it in front of her, or feeling like i'm the worst, most impatient mom ever.

tonight though, my prayers were answered. literally. days like today don't often turn out awesome, but somehow, some way it worked itself out today. beth was in a really good mood and we had the best night we've had in a while. she was so easy going tonight, so obedient, so funny, and actually ate everything i put in front of her. it was magical. hank was a total champ and suggested that we just order pizza which also helped ease my anxiety, and we all sat in the family room watching sponge bob, taking it easy and having a good time together. beth laid in her new favorite position (see below), would get up every few minutes to dance around the room or change her point of view, and hank and i laughed at how often she exclaimed that she wanted pizza in an actually very understandable and overly excited voice.

and now here i sit, with a giant mug of hot milk in front of me, putting on paper that i made it through another day. i made it through. sometimes i think, if i can get through days like today that seem insurmountable, i can make it through any day. (remind me of that later, okay guys? i'm sure i'll need it). in the end, i'm grateful for today. i'm grateful that my two hours with beth was smoother and better than it's been for a while. i'm grateful for an understanding husband who loves me despite my sometimes unfiltered emotion. i'm grateful for the quiet moments i have late at night to sort my thoughts and mellow out before taking on another day tomorrow. i'm grateful for the warm milk in my mug that always seems to calm my soul. and i'm grateful for the relaxing sounds of one james vincent mcmorrow. (if you haven't heard of him, at least try him on pandora - he's awesome). i'm grateful to have made it through another day like today.

head on the pillow, feet on the ottoman. HAS to be this way, and if so, she's golden.

if we're really into the show...

but most of the time, it's this:

i love the girl, BUT...

2011-11-09T16:11:00.007-07:00

may i just share with you a scenario in which my love for her seems to flow a little less freely? (just a little...)

we had just finished in the bathtub and the girl was diaper-less, shall we say, as i was getting her clothes out to get her dressed. i had my back to her as i was looking in the closet and she was playing with her toys and books and talking to me as i was picking out a dress for church. suddenly she said, "oh no."

i should have known right then...

but i didn't. i just kept looking in the closet. 8 seconds later when i turned around to clothe her, she said it again, and then again. i looked down to discover what the "oh no" was all about.

yep friends, there it was. right on the floor. in a perfectly fresh, mustard brown, smelly heap with a few scraps strewn about. one of which i put my big toe in. my day turned to really super awesome right there in that moment.

guh-reat, i say to myself and look at her as she looks at me, saying "oh no" over and over, wondering how much trouble she is about to get into. poor girl, not really her fault, i realize, but still...! huge bummer.

now, let me interject with two comments here: 1) at least she knew she had done something that wasn't exactly supposed to happen. are we on our way to full on potty training? i'm not sure... but the fact that she knew she made a big mess means we're kind of on the right track right? and 2) poop, and messes such as these, are not nearly as devastating when it's your own kid. try to convince me of that before i had children and i would tell you you're nutso, but it's true. (not that it's pleasant either, i mean, come on. but let's be honest, it's not as bad. i mean, they're your kid. you can't get that mad.)

am i lucky to have gotten this far without any major prior accidents such as this? i don't know. maybe. don't really have anything to compare it to. but if i am, then well... i applaud myself for getting so far. maybe it's preparation for the next one. frankly, i hope i make it accident-free just as far with him too.

sigh...

despite the accidents, i still love the girl.

and so it begins...

2011-11-06T20:54:00.003-07:00

that little censored light that sits atop the post at the end of my driveway turned on so early today. ugh. at 5:05pm dusk was starting to settle in and i noticed it was on. and so it will go, earlier and earlier each day, turning on even before i get home from work.

and now the countdown begins. the countdown to december 21 - winter solstice and the shortest day of the year. my love/hate feelings toward this day haven't changed much in years. hate it because my opportunity to breathe in that precious sunshine is so short that it's almost always missed, and love it because it means that the days only get longer from there on out. even if just by minutes, i know that we're climbing our way back toward longer days of sunshine and light and the blessing of being able to play more, do more, and see more with it.

yes friends, i love me some sunshine. i miss it during these darker hours...

3x12

2011-11-03T17:00:00.006-06:00

sweet october, how quickly you flew by! but thanks for the good weather and sunshine, the rich fall colors and crunchy leaves, the one snowstorm, and for giving us a perfect, warm halloween.

and yet, when i look back on it, it seems i can barely remember it. it went by so fast. i guess it's a good thing i blog so that i have some sort of documentation of our lives. otherwise i may forget everything.

here's what i did take note of this month:

beth's vocublary somehow tripled this month. she's starting to say words where i look at her and say "where did you learn that?" but my favorite thing about here lately is that she talks to me in full sentences. not english, mind you, oh no. it's all baby gibberish, but it's definitely full sentences. she will grab my attention by saying "mommy!" and of course i will say "yes beth?" and she will point to something or make some hand gesture while sharing her thoughts with me. and i just look at her totally clueless and say "what honey?" and she'll say the EXACT same thing. same gibberishy syllables. i mean, she's really trying to tell me something! that's when i just smile and say "okay, sweet pea". and she goes about her business, satisfied that i gave her the okay. it's so very amusing to me. so often i think, i would kill to get into that girl's brain. oh, and btw? she made me (yes, made me) put that peacock costume on her again tonight. she loves that thing! wore it around the whole house until i made her take it off so she could eat. can't get enough of it. i had to hide it later so that she would forget about it and we could give it back to the dear friends who lent it to us... crazy peacock costume.

hank has been working dilligently on the bronco. and he's made good progress friends. it's happening. and it's awesome. still needs a lot of work. but we are definitely making progress. she'll be ready and waiting for me to drive her on those early 70 degree days in march.

and i am just getting fatter. i don't dare say i'm uncomfortable yet (even though at times i am), because i still have over two months to go. so i try to remain positive. but i will say that i'm on the verge of uncomfortable. like, permanent uncomfortable. not there yet, but i am verging. i am really glad the holidays are coming up - they will surely keep me busy and in good spirits, and undoubtedly the time will go faster as it always does during this jolly time of year. (i think i may break out the christmas music soon... is that bad? i LOVE it!!!)

we also had a spectacular visit from grandma and grandpa van orden. they came out for a long weekend and we had the best time with them. beth was lovin all the love she was getting from them. and we loved that they could be here when it wasn't snowing and enjoy the fall with us. i so wish they were here more often...

and well, that about covers it. i am seriously looking forward to the coming months. thanksgiving and christmas are the absolute best as it's all about family, food, giving, and straight up jolliness. even in discomfort, one can't help but be in good spirits. it's the perfect precursor for that next addition to our little family.

signing off...

the hype was totally worth it

2011-11-01T10:38:00.013-06:00

last night was THE BEST halloween i've had in a long, long time. it would probably seem so ordinary to everyone else - there really wasn't anything radically special about it. except that i got to watch beth take it in, figure it out, and have a really good time with it.

it turned out to be a beautiful night - around 60 degrees (snow again tonight though... ha!) so i put beth in her costume and we sat outside on the porch, breathing in the fresh air and waiting for the trick or treaters to come. she looked a bit confused in the beginning, but by the third or fourth group of kids, she was totally into it and would hand out the candy for me. she would kind of play in the yard in between groups of people, but when she saw anyone coming up the driveway she would run over to the candy basket sitting on the steps, grab two handfuls and wait anxiously for the different costumes to come close enough and open their bags for her to drop the candy in. then she would go back to spinning around in the grass or running through the leaves or singing. she got lots compliments from parents on her costume and she would say "thank you" and "bye bye" as they turned around and left. it was SO FUN to watch her eyes light up and get so excited every time someone new came our way.

about halfway through the night we had some friends stop by with their kids so i grabbed a tiny little bag for her and decided that we would hit the houses around us with them and give her a shot and getting some candy. the first house we went to was awesome - she was so confused when they tried to give her candy... she put it back in the bowl! she was sure she was supposed to be giving it away and not getting it. but it didn't take long for her to figure that one out either. she never even attempted the "trick or treat" phrase and would only throw out blank stares when i requested she say thank you - even to the people we knew - but she would at least say "bye bye" when we would turn to walk away and go on to the next.

we headed back home after about 6 houses and joined hank on the porch, but it was totally not over for her. she would grab my finger with her sticky hands (i may have let her have a starburst or two) and pull me up, then walk me down the driveway, and beg me to go to more houses, bright eyed, skip in step and all. of course i gave in.... how could i not?! so we'd go to one more house and then back home. repeat. repeat. finally it was late enough that it was time to go inside. to be honest, i was almost as reluctant as she was. but alas, it was time for bed.

the pictures are terrible. horrible! i know... but it's the best i could do with my little point and shoot that would allow them to turn out even remotely clear. i'm just glad i got some. i really wish i'd been able to get the whole dang night on video. i would post the entire 2 hour episode on youtube. it was that fun for me.

(the aforementioned bats/decor)

halloween is a hundred times better with kids. wow. like, a hundred times.

happy halloween

2011-10-30T21:34:00.006-06:00

so we had a halloween party at work on friday... i went as a zombie.

is that bad?
(sorry mom. do i at least get creative points?)
i won the contest, for what it's worth.

at any rate, happy halloween everyone.

i went all out this year with my house. and by "all out" i mean, putting out more than just jack o lanterns and a cool halloween mat on my front porch. i have friendly ghosts, a pumpkin made of lights, a crazy skeleton guy hanging on the door, spider webs with a billion spiders.... i even made a bunch of bats that i hung over my porch. they're actually my favorite part. (thanks martha).

beth went to our church halloween party as a peacock. i wasn't sure how she would take to the costume, but she actually did really well and didn't seem to mind wearing it at all. she just walked around and looked at everyone like they were crazy while she got lots of oooohs and aaaahs. it was so cute. i'm thinking i'll put it on her again tomorrow just to be festive and fun (she's too young to trick or treat still and really doesn't need all the candy). so i think we'll do it just for fun and to get pictures. it's pretty dang cute, i'll be honest. so we'll see if she'll do a take two on it. i hope so.

well friends, i hope your halloween is as festive as we anticipate ours to be!
don't get too spooked out there...

fall festive-ness

2011-10-25T21:40:00.008-06:00

as i write this, there is snow falling outside my window. it's light and there isn't much - it just barely started sticking to the ground. nevertheless, i mention it to illustrate the contrast from both my last post and this one. 75 one day, snow the next. crazy colorado. but i love it. colorado weather keeps you on your toes!

anyways.... as mentioned in the last post, we spent some good quality time outside last weekend while the weather was still warm and delicious. in fact, we hit up the ol' pumpkin patch to pick out our pumpkins for halloween.

it looks like we made out pretty good, but really it was kind of a bust. we thought we were going early enough but actually so much of the patch had been picked over... we felt like we picked the best of the worst of them. so we just got a couple and decided we'll head somewhere else to finish off our quota. even though we weren't entirely successful, it was still an awesome way to spend the last of these gorgeous golden days.

and now, with the snow falling outside, we enter the world of fall-winter-ness. for a month or so anyway. then it will just be straight up winter. i'm hoping it holds out until after thanksgiving. then it can snow all it wants...

2011-10-23T20:28:00.002-06:00

by now, i have fully embraced the fall. i am loving all the colors, itching to bake anything with pumpkin or cinnamon in it, craving football, trying to layer in hip pregnant fashion, and intentionally step on the fallen leaves just to hear them crunch.

i was fighting it for a while there in september when i just wasn't ready for the summer to end. but now, i am eating it up. i love the fall. and it's such a fleeting season... five, six, maybe seven spectacular weeks of it? and then it's over. then it becomes a mix of fall and winter. but the just fall part, the pure part, is always totally enchanting and i love it.

beth and i have played outside a lot these last few days - getting it in while the weather is still warm, playing with the leaves and walking to the park. today was 72 degrees. 72 degrees! the high on wednesday is 32 with snow. that's colorado for you. probably our last 70+ degree day this year. so we took advantage of it and spent some quality time outside. i soaked up every minute of it.

i asked her to show me her belly button

2011-10-19T20:48:00.011-06:00

she loves to show me her belly button. and she loves to poke and tickle mine and anyone else who will let her raise the bottom of their shirt up to where she can see it. it cracks her up and in turn cracks up the belly button owner as well, which is most often me.

and this picture...

this picture makes me melt. she is looking over at her daddy, who lately she calls "babe" or "baby" just like mommy does. i think it drives hank crazy. i also think it's really funny. sometimes if i say to her, "beth, let's go find daddy" she'll start calling out "babe! ...babe! ...baby!" and then we'll find him and it's "hi babe". once i say "there's daddy!" she'll start calling him daddy again, but until then he's her babe as much as he is mine.

they have this thing he'll point at her and smile and then she'll point back at him with this huge smile on her face.

it is just so endearing and cute. and they'll do it several times before either of them get tired of it. she loves her daddy so much. almost as much as i do. (i know... barf-o-rama. but it's true) and i am increasingly excited for #2. just sayin... i can't wait for this little guy to get here. we have officially entered the last trimester. yessssssss.

okay. over n out.

the game

2011-10-18T21:30:00.003-06:00

so lately beth and i have this game. she likes to call it "nigh, nigh". the routine goes something like this:

we get home from work/daycare and go to my room so that i can change into some comfy clothes for the night. beth plays on the bed, running from the foot of the bed to the head of it, throwing herself into the pillows and cracking herself up.

i finish changing. she notices.

then she lays her head on one of the pillows and calls me, patting the space next to her with her tiny little hand, and says "nigh, nigh".

i lay down next to her and she is already starting to giggle.

i then say "night, night", close my eyes and pretend to be asleep. she giggles some more, waits a few seconds, then puts her hand on my face which is my cue to "wake up" and scare her with a tickle to the neck and a the roaring sound you make when you're telling a kid what a lion sounds like.

she laughs and laughs.

repeat.

repeat again.

and again.

and again.

and if i fail to take the initiative of falling alseep, she will nudge me by saying "nigh, nigh" and impatiently wait for me to close my eyes and do the whole thing all over again.

we could probably do this for hours. rarely does it feel like we do. i welcome the new routine and this little bit of time to play together before daddy gets home and before we rush in to the kitchen to throw some dinner together (not nearly as quality time). i love to hear her laugh. it's a part of my day i can't stand to not have. that, and her bedtime hugs.

and now, it's time for me to go "nigh, nigh". i am wrecked.

check out the new toy

2011-10-15T21:22:00.006-06:00

our new toy was delivered today. and let me just tell you... i am excited. not because she's the prettiest thing you've ever seen and not because she's already in perfect working order. no. but because it's just the beginning of a long beautiful life together that started with a dream many years ago. i fell in love with these things back in the day (college) and have wanted one ever since. it just so happens that hank really likes them too. well, it finally happened. we got us a bronco baby. a '75 302 v8 beaut. she's a little rusty, but she's ours.

now before you judge me and get all crazy, let me just say a couple of things: #1) these things are freaking rad for a variety of reasons, but mostly because it's a big bad machine that is hard core AND that the top comes off. the number one reason i want it. because the top comes off and that makes for some amazing summer drives. #2) hank is selling his truck (know anyone who wants a '72 primer gray ford truck for a steal?). so no, we will not have two pieces of junk at our house, just the one. this is our new project and toy. and it's fantastic.

it wasn't really running when we got it, but it worked out perfectly that hank's parents are in town this weekend, so he and his dad kept their heads under the hood all day and got this lady runnin. a sweet, sweet sound. just a few (okay, kind of a lot) more tweaks here and there and she'll be burning rubber in no time.

i know some of you think we're crazy, but i'm telling you... when i'm the one cruisin' along those curvy canyon roads, blasting some DMB with the top off and wind blowing through my hair, you will be wishing you were with me. yes friends, it was a good day. the fun begins today. aawwww yeah.

the kitchen sink...

2011-10-05T22:15:00.009-06:00

...is exactly where i let beth hang out while i was quickly trying to cook dinner tonight.

listen. the girl does not let me cook. if ever i'm facing away from her toward the stove or the counter or the sink, she will come up and pat my legs and say "mommy, mommy!" and pull me away from the stove or counter or sink while simultaneously pushing herself between it and me. then she puts her hands up in the air and begs me to pick her up and hold her while i cook. "while i cook". (read: distracting me entirely from finishing the task at hand). most of the time i put her in her highchair and feed her dinner while i make mine and hank's, and occasionally i can get away with setting her on the counter near me while i work frivolously to get things done, involving her in this and that and finding a gadget or two that i hope will claim her attention. but when neither of those work, i'm in trouble.

tonight was one of those. she just had to be held.

that was, until i turned on the water to de-thaw the chicken. i set her on the counter near the sink and as i was turned away for no more than 4 seconds, when i looked back at her she had both feet in, both hands under the water and a giant smile on her face.

well? it worked for me. i was under a time crunch so i decided to let it ride out.

15 minutes later she was soaked but still happy, dinner was done, and i was perfectly content to dry off every inch of both her and the kitchen floor that had gotten wet in exchange for uninterrupted cooking time.

i've decided that sometimes, you just gotta roll with it. win/win/win.

3 1/2 x 12

2011-10-03T20:07:00.003-06:00

that time again already. the end of the month somehow creeps up on me so fast... i cannot believe it's already october. september flew by. i feel like i say that every month... do i?

to be honest, i can barely even remember what we did this month, other than take a trip out to grand junction. that, and buy room decore for the little man's room and all new furniture for beth's room, so that we could take the baby furniture from her room and put it in his room. it's is all painted and ready for furniture and the decor - i'm trying to get it done before i hit 7 months... before i hit uncomfortable and unwilling. well, less-willing. :) and actually, i am super excited for both of their rooms. it will be fun to make beth's room a "big girl" room with a toddler bed and furniture that allows for toy storage and more of a place for her to play. and his room is going to be awesome. i can't wait for the reveal, which will come to all of you as soon as i get it done.

it's kind of weird making this whole transition. maybe a mental thing... beth really isn't a baby anymore, and crazy to think that we're going to have a new one soon. that we're going to be starting all over with another little person. (a humanoid, as hank likes to call them. just teeny tiny human beings, just arrived to earth that have no idea what they're in store for. and yet, we've been entrusted with another... yikes.) so you know, i guess this post is appropriate for the september 3x12 as i really began to notice - and let it settle in - that beth is turning into a little girl. she has so much fun personality, loves to tease and play, loves to talk and sing, and the communication line between us has... i don't know how to explain it... ultra opened up lately. i can say so much more to her and she totally gets it. it's like, the coolest thing. i don't have to act everything out, or say it a hundred times anymore. i can just say things once and she responds, and does, and obeys (mostly), and it's amazing. almost a relief in a way. and yet so fun. because we can talk to each other now and that's what makes it so rad. we can talk to each other and i love it.

so yes, it's weird to think that we'll be starting all of that over. don't get me wrong, i'm stoked and all. i think that innately it seems weird that we've made all this progress with beth and now... back to the beginning. back to sqaure one. only with someone else who is going to be totally different. will i know how to do it differently? i barely knew what to do with the first one! it's a little nerve-racking, no? ...anyone? ...anyone?

something that someone said to me last week about it all hit me and has stuck with me since. they said that since beth will only be 22 months when the little man comes, she will quickly forget when she had us all to herself and for the rest of her life never remember not having a little brother around. at first, i both liked this and didn't like this. our time together has been so special! and it's the only 22 months ever in her whole life that she's going to have that! it was just us and it was so good! but then i thought, you know what? that's why we wanted them so close together - so that they would be close and always be a major part of each other's lives, and always know that the other was there. that's the way we wanted it. i've been really nervous about how she's going to take him and handle not getting 100% of our attention. but i think it will be okay. it might take some time, but i think it will all work out. just the way we wanted it...

pictures of both of the rooms to come soon. hopefully within a month. if we're brave enough to put beth in her toddler bed that early... eek!

home

2011-09-27T20:04:00.005-06:00

there's something to be said for coming home. the normalcy, the structure, the familiarity, even the routine which i'm not always gung ho about.... the simple things that make home, home. after a good deal of travel last month, and an added little bit this month (our only travel the whole dang summer), both with the man & little girl and without, i have great appreciation for coming home. sort of ironic, actually... i am usually the first who wants to get up and go, to see a new place, do a new thing, and take off for a while. but i can't remember ever not wanting to go home when it was time. as good as it always seems to get away, and as adventurous as it can be to see new places, it just feels good to be home.

i love home. i love my home.

get ready.... because here it comes

2011-09-26T09:20:00.006-06:00

today is going to be full of thought-puking. i'm just warning you now... there is a good chance this post is going to be random, with thoughts scattered from heck to breakfast, just spewing out through the keyboard. so feel free to bail out now if you're not up for it. also, i don't have any pictures ready to post, so it will be purely text. i know, boring. but it's all i got right now.

this morning was less than spectacular to say the least. kind of a rough morning. neither hank nor i slept well at all, beth woke up with the start of a cough that i am really hoping to suppress through a variety of supplements and nutrients that i'm going to force into her body, i couldn't find the keys to the car, and in the middle of it all, i knocked over an entire pitcher of orange juice on the top tier of my fridge which then trickled down to each shelf below and into a large puddle at the bottom. it was perfect timing since we were already running 15 minutes late. ultra fabuloso of a morning.

on a better note, we went to grand junction this weekend to see my sister in law sing at a festival. she's a professional bluegrass singer, and her band is awesome. it felt good to just relax, and sit in the shade of some big trees in a park in some tiny town that manages to throw this big festival every year. a lot of my family were there and beth got lots of attention and kisses from her cousins. i love to watch them play together. and i love that beth is entertained by people other than me. i'm pretty sure that she appreciates that also. the weather was genius, and it felt good to just get away for the weekend.

also, two (maybe three) hilarious things that were said this weekend that i have to share:

i was talking baby names with my cousin, and his wife and 4 year old daughter payton. in the middle of it, payton chimed in and said,

"if i have another baby sister i'm going to name her ho". it was classic.

my 5 year old nephew was with me and beth and he pointed to my baby filled stomach and said,

"here's a imaginary baby and (pointing to beth) here's a real baby!" and minutes later said to me,

"when is beth going to turn into a real little girl?" cracked me up.

the other one was really funny too, but will take too long to set up. so forget that one. sorry.

the leaves are just barely, barely starting to change in fort collins, but up in the mountains they were changing like crazy. it was beautiful, but i'm not sure i'm ready to fully embrace the fall yet. even though i had a slice of pumpkin bread at starbucks the other day, i still haven't fully accepted that the sun goes down by 7 these days. summer was so crazy and so fast this year, that i'm wanting a second chance at it. fall is coming too soon for me.

i've been wanting to say "oober" for everything lately. as in... "oober awesome" or "she's oober messy". who says that? don't ask me why the heck this word comes in my head. and don't worry, i haven't said it out loud to anyone yet. and it's really kind of annoying to me. where does oober even come from anyway? what does it even mean?

most days, i feel really good, and i love this part of being pregnant because people no longer wonder if i've just let myself go, they can tell i'm with child. and i LOVE to feel him move around and play tag with him. but lately, there are days where i swear i'm going to have a 20 pound baby. and still 4 months to go... i can do it.

and lastly. beth was a HUGE stinker the last couple of weeks. granted, she had some IBS for a few days, and all four eye teeth were coming in. so i don't blame her entirely. nevertheless, who likes a tantruming, screaming baby?! but her teeth have all cut through, she traveled great in the car this weekend, and despite wanting to be carried everywhere instead of walk around on her own two feet at the festival, we made out pretty good this weekend. she was a really good sport. especially for not getting great naps. she is awesome because most of the time (emphasis on most) she is champ when we really need her to be. ie: when we're out and about and traveling. for this, i am extraordinarily grateful. she is such a good girl.

and there you have it. i feel much better now. for those of you still here and reading, i applaud you. there was kind of a lot of junk in this post. thank you for sticking it out with me. better posts to come soon. no, seriously.

ps: jen, i miss you. i think you should come home for thanksgiving.

pps: kent. you never even thanked me for your birthday gift. didn't you like it? and you didn't reply to my oober long email (see what i mean?) before that. are you okay out there???

parts i and ii

2011-09-16T20:54:00.010-06:00

part i: the zoo

so labor day weekend we went to the denver zoo. me, hank, beth, and the larson clan. very entertaining, generally speaking. beth loved it because everything was either a "puppy!" or a "birdie!", and very occasionally a "fishie!". she wasn't sure what to call the monkeys. they were a bit confusing for her, but it was still fun to watch her get so intrigued by the different animals.

she also insisted on demonstrating her independence most of the day (as published below) by refusing to ride in the wagon, and would only allow progress if she could pull it instead. literally, would scream if you walked away without letting her hold on to it and lead the way as well. todd, thank you so much for your patience. i owe you, huge. it made our journey around the zoo twice as long, but hey, at least it omitted screaming child in tow.

part ii: i think i'm getting old

by the end of the day the girl was exhausted, and so was i. it's hard for her to nap in places like that where there's so much commotion going on... a million kids running and squealing as they move from one exhibit to another, her familiar daycare family laughing and hollering and skipping about all around her, and lots of new sights and smells and sounds to take in. but she starts to get more and more cranky as she gets more and more tired, and it begins to take its toll on everyone. so when she finally zonked for an hour in the stroller (the last hour of our zoo expedition), i was stoked.

best of all though, (this is where the "getting old" part comes in) when we got home, hank went off to work on cars, and it was just me and beth at home, and i have to tell you - i was LOVING IT. and not because beth and i got some quality time together, oh no. that was maybe 10% of it. i was loving every second of the peace, quiet, and stillness that i had. and i kept thinking to myself, what am i, like 78 or something? i'm just barely entering into the chaotic life of millions of kids around me all the time! and i admit that i'm excited for that and enjoy the high energy and free spirits of kids. and i think it's even more fulfilling to now see that in my own as we discover the world together through various activities. BUT...

and i don't really remember needing those silent hours so much before. but i confess, i really like my quiet time. for a lot of reasons. call me geriatric. call me lame. tell me i'm prematurely over the hill. go ahead. but there is just something about having some time during everyday when i can settle into my own thoughts, recoup from the day's events, and give my soul some r&r. in moments like these - as well as many busy and full ones - i find bliss. sometimes it's just me on my own, sometimes it's me and hank hanging out on the deck together, sometimes it's me and a delicious bowl of lucky charms, and in this case, after the zoo, it was just me and beth, playing together on the floor of my family room. just me and her. it was lovely.

i've just learned that for me, in my current state (whatever that means), it's healthy. does it mean i'm old? i don't know... probably. i guess i don't really care. i just know it's good for me.

the warrior dash

2011-09-11T20:26:00.002-06:00

so this is the warrior dash. a 5k race on copper mountain that is basically not really a race, but a 5k obstacle course that you happen to get timed on. he and a couple good friends of ours did it together, climbing over walls with ropes and jumping off the other side, belly crawling through a mud pit, plowing their way through a jungle of hanging/swinging tires, jumping over fire and balancing their way across narrow boards. sounds intense, i know. hank said it wasn't as hard core as it sounds - there were tons of people doing it in costumes for crying out loud (see picture below). but he did say it was one of the funnest things he's done all summer. the mud and fire pits were the only parts of the race i could see, but as those are coolest parts of the race it worked out okay.

approaching the mud pit...

and whamo!

(don't mind sport photo guy...)

it was pretty awesome. they had a huge stage in this big grassy area with different bands that played all day long, food vendors to anyone's liking, and of course, showers for anyone that completed the race so that you could hang out for a bit and make a day of it without looking like a statue. so we stayed and listened to some cover bands, ate pizza despite the terrible service, and had ourselves a really good summer afternoon. and i'm definitely in for the race next year...

i should also give honorable mention to the parking lot guy who after we pulled up with zero cash, not knowing that parking was going to cost us ten bucks, with no argument gave us a pass, told us we had what we needed and sent us on our way. thank you, parking lot guy. you rule. we will certainly pay it forward. this slayer's for you...

my little girl

2011-09-06T21:42:00.007-06:00

usually when i go away without my daughter for a couple days (which isn't often), i come home and she demonstrates her revenge of my absence with a couple days of snottiness. so after being gone for nearly four days recently at a work convention just an hour down the road, i was very much anticipating the bratty side of her to come out upon my return. especially given the extraordinarily un-fun tantrum stage we seem to be in the middle of.

but can i just tell you... since coming home, this little rascal has been a total gem, and i have been in heaven. (i realize i am probably ultra-jinxing myself by typing this, but it's okay. i am willing to take the risk.) i have loved spending every second with her upon my arrival home. we have played and laughed and snuggled and just loved on each other like crazy and it has made my heart sing.

it's hard to explain what it is about her that makes me so happy, because it really is the simplest things that no one else would probably ever even notice. but truly, i have never loved anyone like i do my little girl. she is becoming so smart and receptive, it's amazing. if i tell her it's time to go upstairs and take a nap, she stands up, grabs her milk, and heads for the stairs. her facial expressions are priceless, and it is awesome to actually be able to talk to her and know that she gets what i'm saying.

her latest is saying "where'd it go?" with her palms facing up as she opens her eyes really wide and starts looking around for... whatever, anything. she says it after a bird in flight leaves her view, after she drops a piece of food on the floor, or if she sees a fly buzzing around the house (in which case she'll say it all afternoon). sometimes she'll even just say it because the dog is laying in the other room, and she just wants to know where she is. it's awesome. her first full, comprehensible phrase.

i have to say though, that my absolute favorite was as we were driving to the post office yesterday, i turned on the radio and she immediately started rocking out and dancing in her car seat to depeche mode and old school green day (it was throw back hour - don't judge me.) so i turned it up a bit and started rocking out too and the whole way to the post office and the whole way home, we both danced, moving our heads from side to side, throwing our fists around in the air, and sharing big smiles with each other in the rear view mirror. best trip to the post office ever.

it's been amazing to watch her grow up and take in the world, figure it out, and find her little place in it. at times the changes are so subtle, but at the same time it's going so fast that it all seems to happen overnight and i find myself bewildered that she is already a little girl and not a baby anymore. it's a total trip. and small as she is, and new to this world as she is (relatively), it's crazy to look back and realize how much i've learned and grown with her around.

man, kids are awesome. i can't wait for nubmer two...

3 1/2 x 12

2011-09-04T22:11:00.008-06:00

august was a busy, busy month for us. while june and july were generally uneventful, our activity scale got kicked up a few notches last month. and it was awesome. so nice to have a couple free weekends to actually get out and do stuff. but i must say, the highlight of our month was defnitely jackson hole. and i knew the second we took this picture, it would be the one i would use for this post. this is us, on top of the world. and i love that i can mean that both literally and figuratively.

with hank needing to work so many weekends most of this summer, we really haven't had the chance to get away and do so many of the things we said we'd do this year. but JH totally made my summer. getting away from home/work/regular life for a few days and being fairly disconnected from it was a total breath of fresh air. one we all needed. we had the best time and i came back so rejeuvinated. man, i needed that.

a couple weeks later we took a weekend and stayed near estes park with another couple, and he and the man-half of that couple climbed longs peak (really hard 14er, for those unfamiliar) while the girls hung out at the cabin, occasionally making it out during the day to explore the woods around it. another great breath of fresh air for my soul. the next weekend, hank ran the warrior dash (post coming very soon), i attended a big work convention for 4 days in denver, and we found out for sure that we are indeed going to be having a little man joining our family. i also started to feel him move this month which is absolutely my favorite part about being pregnant. still too early to be consistent, or for hank to feel him yet, but since hank got to do those other really cool things without me this month, i'm laying claim to this really cool thing for the month. we'll share more stuff next month. :)

and then there's beth. and after starting to write a few things (which turned into a lot of things) i decided i would give her her own post. so that will come in the next few days as well. but let me say this: despite wanting to gauge my eyeballs out with toothpicks when she tantrums (which the last couple weeks has only been 5% of the time... hey, that's progress), i am madly in love with this girl. perfect? no way. and i don't want to even pretend that. but just so fascinating to me, because i am getting to watch her discover the world and learn and grow minute by minute, and it is just so rad. maybe i love it because i feel like she wants me there every step of the way (but not too close mom... i'm a big girl and can do things myself), but she loves having me close by and i try to eat that up as much as i can, knowing it won't always be that way. but for now, it is. and it's killer.

so september, no pressure, but you've got some big shoes to fill. i doubt you'll be able to do it, but i've got high hopes. so far, so good. hank only had to work 2 hours this weekend. can't say the same for next weekend, but with another good weekend getaway planned later this month, i feel like you've got a fighting chance. don't let me down now...

ps: oh yeah, AND? i discovered expedition impossible on hulu last month. and it is totally worth mentioning, because for me, it was that good. it's like amazing race (my favorite) to the extreme max. i'm telling you, if you haven't seen it, you need to. there's only one season so far, and it's awesome. you want inspiration? it's there. no limits. that's all i'm saying. definitely my new fave. by far.

jackson hole: aka a little bit of heaven

2011-08-26T19:48:00.014-06:00

our family vacation this year was jackson hole. the drive through wyoming to get to it was less than pleasant, although beth was a champion, thanks to a good friend lending us their car dvd kit. but jackson hole itself was a dream. our condo was nestled right up against the base of the amazing teton mountains, and we spent lots o' time (though still not enough) in the national park. amazingly beautiful place. awe inspiring. it was awesome. i wish we could have spent a whole other week, but alas, we live in the real world where jobs have to be had and money made. even still, the time with my family could not be beat. the laughter that abounds is unprecedented, and i love that we get along so well and love being together. no seriously guys, this was the best.family.reuion.ever.

all the hopes i had and high expectations for this place were absolutely met. there were lots of cowboys, incredible mountain views and lots of t-shirt shops and ice cream parlors. it was perfect. a few shots from this really spectacular hike we did our first day there:

and yes. we totally went to a chuckwagon show. it was perfectly entertaining. not so much hank's gig. but i loved it. to me, it was classic jackson hole.

the verdict is in

2011-08-25T20:29:00.007-06:00

with little question, i might add. yes my friends, there was no mistaking that extra appendage today.
we are having a boy! and hank and i are both totally over the moon about it.

i'd forgotten how incredible it is to watch the screen as the tech moves that small handheld instrument over your stomach, deciphering each and every little body part of the life growing inside you, and suddenly it all becomes so real. five tiny toes on two feet, the lenses of each eye, seeing all four chambers of the heart open and close, beating to it's own rhythm... and we made this beautiful thing? you and me made this??? and it's growing inside of me? amazing. totally amazing. and today i became more excited than ever for this little guy to become another big part of our lives in just a few short months.

a few short months!!!! crazy to think we're already half way there. but now i am counting the days. let the preparations for blue and the fun begin...

some of our favorites from the ultrasound (if you can deciper them). the bottom left picture is the one that makes hank the most proud - let's just say he was excited that the tech told him that there was no mistaking what this baby was, and that our kid was a show off. that's daddy for ya...

3 1/2x12

2011-08-02T22:27:00.003-06:00

his baby finally made it into a blog picture. and i'm not talking about beth, but that beauty she's sitting on. may i introduce you all to big bertha. hank's pride and joy. we've had some good times in that thing. not what this post is about, but worth mentioning for hank's sake. :)

i'm laughing hysterically in this photo because beth kept sitting on the edge of the truck bed and falling off in to hanks arms and was totally loving it. so we pulled out the camera and hit the timer button, hoping to catch it just as she was falling off. and of course she just sat there, and sat there, and sat there just like that and hank kept calling to her, trying to get her to come, and she just wouldn't take the leap. i had to laugh... she finally did it after the shutter closed. figures...

well my friends, we are off tomorrow to jackson hole. words cannot describe the excitement i feel right now. let's just say, this has not been the summer of george (seinfeld, anyone?). hank and i both are just ready to get away from work for a while and be disconnected from the world and just take a break from the chaos our summer has been. both of our hotels have been so busy - he's worked every weekend - and it's been hard for us to get out and do the things we normally do during these fantastic summer months. we have been so. lame. this year. so it's going to be so nice to get away for a while and hang with the banner fam. i have some pretty high expectations for this trip. i'm just saying, it better be filled with solid views of the tetons, sore cheeks and sides from outrageous laughter, the freshest air on the planet, some good cowboy sightings, and a phone/technology-free 5 days. i'm sure i won't be disappointed.

here's to 8 hours on the road to jackson - what i like to call, my own little graceland. see you next week...

ps: that's right, i said 3 1/2. due to come mid-january. i'll let you know on august 25 if it's pink or blue.

little purple chair

2011-08-01T20:46:00.002-06:00

funny story about that little chair:

while vacationing in utah at my brother's house over memorial weekend, i had to make a quick trip to the grocery store for a few things we were going to take on our picnic lunch that day. right there by the cash registers were stacks and stacks of these little chairs, just the perfect size for beth. they had probably 10 or 12 colors to choose from, and the best part? only $3.50. HAD to have one. even if we did have to lug it all the way back to colorado. so extremely satisfied with my purchase, and knowing that hank would totally love it as much as i did, i proudly carried the chair out to the car.

i opened up the door to my trunk to find THE EXACT SAME CHAIR already back there. for a second there i was totally confused. only to realize that hank had made his own trip to the store earlier in the day. i laughed out loud right there in the parking lot.

what are the chances? exact same chair! exact same color! there were lots of other girlie colors to choose from. and we chose the exact same one, on the same day, without even knowing it. well, i threw the chair i had bought in the car and smiled all the way back to the house, thoroughly amused.

"hank, will you go look in the back of the car please?"

"oh no... what?"

"just go look"

a few minutes later he comes back in the house....

"did you buy her that chair?"

"yep. i just barely bought it at kohlers. did you???"

"yeah, but i got mine when i went to smiths. well..... i guess beth gets two little chairs then."

and she did. we brought both of the them home. i mean, clearly it wasn't worth our time to take back a little plastic chair that cost $3.50. so she got two. because you never know when one of those will break- no, disapp-, get los-..... okay, so she has two just because. we both got a kick out of it.

some other fun pictures of her going down the twisty slide at the park. love the smile on her face and the tongue sticking out at the end. love it.

blue eyes

2011-07-31T17:49:00.004-06:00

last saturday bentley and i had a little play date in the park. she let me shoot away at her amazing blue eyes and smiled at all the right times. this girl was amazing to photograph. it went so smooth and she was just perfect. literally. also literally? her eyes are seriously that blue. i didn't do a thing to enhance. they are the real deal. aren't they stunning? she turned 6 months just a week before these were shot. and i can't wait to do more of her in the future. i told her mom and i could have photographed her all day. and i really could have. yep, it was that easy.

you are just a doll bentley - your parents better watch out for you... you're going to be a knock out! can't wait to meet in the park again someday :)

this little guy

2011-07-23T21:09:00.006-06:00

this is wyatt. who came into our world just one short month ago to a good friend of mine and her husband. she asked me to come and take a few shots and i was thrilled. so as promised my dear marci, here is your sneak peek!

thanks again for asking me to be there marc, you're little guy is soooo cute! i can't wait to show you the rest...!!! :)

stellar afternoon

2011-07-16T21:07:00.003-06:00

i went with my good friend sarah to the beach yesterday - it was fantastic. the water was warm enough for the kids (and for me), but it was hot enough outside that it was still refreshing, it wasn't over-crowded with a million people, and the girls had a blast playing together. a stellar way to spend the afternoon. some favorites from the day...

a new place for us, and i will definitely be back.

in other news, beth continues to get bigger and with that come new phases and stages. pros and cons of our current phase:

pro: she is much better at giving kisses than she ever has been
pro: she loves the water - especially natural water and will swim and play in it all day long
con: she is becoming a very picky eater
con: she still screams whenever you tell her no
pro:her vocabulary has expanded. i'm proud to announce that "no" is no longer the only word she knows. we now recognize thank you, milk, puppy, uh-oh (of course), yucky, and most recently, daddy. that one is the best one. she yells it when he gets home and smiles really big and it is so heart-warming
pro: she is very independent
con: she is very independent
pro: she loves slides and playing on the big kid playgrounds, especially now that she can climb just about anything
pro: she has become a really good cuddler
con: she has major separation anxiety - from whoever she's been with for the last hour. she cries and clings to me when i drop her off at daycare, and then kicks and screams when i pick her up. not sure how i feel about it... neither one is easy.

but i love the girl. she becomes a bigger handful everyday, but as a wise woman once said "well, that's growth. they're learning independence."

i guess we are all learning as we go...

a little bit of a lot

2011-07-11T20:25:00.005-06:00

if you want great pictures of a messy toddler, give them nutella.

classic. i love it.

my posts seem to be few and far between these days. the last few weeks have been long days at work, and long nights of work at home intermingled with a few fun things here and there. like the 4th of july. we had a really good 4th of july. we had some friends from hanks hotel over for a barbeque - complete with store bought potato salad, a flag-cake, and semi-cool/semi-lame fireworks that we set off our basketball court in the backyard. i even bought red, white and blue (deep purple) flowers for the flower bed in my front yard. it was very festive. then we all packed ourselves in and drove down to the lake for a really good fireworks show of which beth could've cared less after about 5 minutes. she liked all the glow necklaces and bracelets better.

we've also been eating large lately. explanation: at the beginning of the year hank and a buddy started this bet - whoever lost the most weight by july 1st, had to buy the other (and significant other) dinner, up to $200. they started out at very similar weights, and are very similar builds, so it works. well, hank was killin it at first and the other guy got scared. real scared. so he paid a nutritionist to help him out and went on this crazy diet. meanwhile, hank was doing it all by himself, and with the support of his self-proclaimed nutritionist wife. still doing well, but now the other guy pulls ahead. 2 weeks to go. hank is welcomed to the under-200 club. 1 week to go and down the wire. the other guy is ahead by 3 pounds (they would weigh and share everyday). hank gets extreme with diet. last day: hank eats nothing and sits in a sauna for 3 hours to sweat it out. weigh in day: hank wins by 1.5 pounds!!!!! and other guy is shocked. hank and i are stoked. and have since been eating not-so-great. the other night we went to old chicago where hank got nachos and i had a calzone and afterwards on the way home we got dairy queen. terrible, but DELICIOUS! hank is still under 200, has lost over 40 pounds and looks AMAZING. i am really proud of him. and he feels good. and it's awesome. i will post a picture soon. but he got really tired of eating so well for so long that he is splurging a little bit now. and i admit that i'm right there with him. but just for a little bit...

the sunsets have been so amazing lately. the clouds have been just right to make for a myriad of gorgeous colors across the sky that seem to last longer than usual. i am particularly appreciative of tonights - i've been watching it out the back window as i write... it was a long, long day.

it was nice to come home to beth who smiled and laughed with me in the evening, and the man who patiently listened and then said all the right things. including "what do you need right now?" (and.... melt.) best possible question ever. best husband ever. things with work should slow down a bit tomorrow. i am looking forward to the break for a while...

3x12

2011-07-02T21:27:00.002-06:00

i'm a couple days late getting to this one...

a typical evening for us. hanging out on the deck in our backyard, just finished dinner, and now just enjoying the warmth and playing with beth until it's time to go to bed. we have absolutely loved our deck since hank built it last year. we literally spend nearly every night out there. we often start our day out there, we eat every meal out there (that we're home for, anyway) play out there, talk and laugh out there, watch the people walk by, take naps... it's fantastic. i'm so glad we have a comfortable place to retreat to during these warm summer days. it makes for some good times... some very good times.

i learned a few things

2011-06-27T11:30:00.008-06:00

i love this. i want to buy it so bad. it will have to wait until next week. it, and similar, if you're interested can be found here.

early this morning, i learned a few things.

i learned that this close to summer solstice the dawn literally starts to break at 4:11am. and that the sky is bright with light by 5. i learned this after being up with my poor little girl whose bum is so red it kept her from sleeping last night. after a quick change and some soothing, she finally fell back asleep, only to leave me wide awake to see the sun come up. i learned that no matter how tired i am, i still cannot fall back asleep once i've been awakened. actually, i've always known that. that was not a new one for me.

i also learned that i am a good mom. i am not a perfect mom, or even the best mom, but i am still a good mom - working and all - and beth loves me just the same. simply because i am her mom. for a long time i carried around mommy-guilt - the fact that i am not home with her 24/7, or that i have at times been short with her and lost my patience. or that i do not always give her my full attention while she's awake because i sometimes try to get things done around the house rather than play with her. but i have decided, and learned, that this is not healthy. it's not good! it's not right to constantly feel as though i am inadequate and not giving her everything she needs because for the most part i am. nor do i think it's part of the plan to feel this way. and it took a lot for me to realize that.

my daughter does not know if there is a better mom out there - she just knows that i'm her mom. and she loves me and needs me and even wants me for that reason alone. and i love this, because it's unconditional. she knows that i will offer all the love i have to give, even if it's through discipline (most recently), that i will still love her even after she does exactly what i've just told her not to do, and that 5 minutes later we will be laughing and playing in the backyard together.

now please don't think this to mean i am settling. i still want to be home with her everyday rather than work, i still want to have a never-ending patience fuse, and i would still love to give this girl the world. these are things to work toward, but not feel guilty over. and that's the lesson i learned here.

i am tired today and struggling to get through the day. and for any other reason, i might be upset that my sleep was so short last night. but i have also learned that when it's for your kids, you don't seem to care nearly as much.

in the wee hours of the morning, as i picked beth up from her crib as she cried in discomfort, she wrapped her arms tight around my neck because she knew she would find comfort in me. and i loved it. i admit that i ate it up, as it's rare for her to hold on so tight and for so long - beth is not your classic cuddler. so i held her for a while and i gave her comfort the very best i could as she needed me to. because that's what good moms do - the best they can with what they have.

i am a good mom. not a perfect mom, but a good mom.
and i learned that it's okay to think so.

ps: happy first birthday to my little frind LRF!!!! i hope you get to eat lots and lots of cake on your special day :)

bubbles

2011-06-19T12:36:00.003-06:00

the girl loves bubbles. so fun to watch her chase after them and squeal every time she caught one and popped it.

not a bad day in the park...

and becuase it's father's day, two of my favorite photos from the day will go here:

happy father's day, my dear. thank you for being the best dad you could possibly be.

cross it off

2011-06-13T15:28:00.015-06:00

this weekend i ventured up to 8,700 feet and ran a half marathon. it was:

1. so rad
2. not as hard to breathe as i was worried it might be
3. perfect weather with cool temps
4. phenemonenal scenery

and i actually finished in a pretty good time. now, not to say i finished in the front of the pack. quite the contrary. but i haven't been feeling quite like myself the last couple weeks and was worried it would be a bad day, and i just wouldn't be feeling it, despite my pretty good training for this one.

but i woke up feeling pretty good, ate a bowl of scrumptious oatmeal for some fuel, stretched and warmed up among 200 other people as though i did this every weekend, and when the start blast sounded, set out on my way. not a great first mile, but pushed through it, and then really found my stride and rocked that pavement like nobody's business. one foot in front of the other was no problem... until about mile 10. then my legs started to get tired and hurt.

thank goodness the views were so stunning; i ran through those huge rocky mountains which provided not only great backdrop, but a great way to keep my mind off the running to literally just enjoying life and how good it is. super cheesy, super true. it was that stellar. wish i could have taken some pictures along the way.
sorry, too worried about finishing...

i ended up crossing the line 30 minutes sooner than i told hank to watch for me. not bad for an old lady, eh? and if i'm honest, crossing the finish was not very climactic - there was no music, no one even cheering and clapping, you just kind of crossed... and that was it. sort of lame. doesn't deter me though. still glad i did it.

clearly, beth is too. she was really excited for me... not.

and now, i can cross it off the list.

complete half marathon? check.

the n-word

2011-06-09T21:56:00.004-06:00

"beth, come here please, it's time to get dressed..."

"no"

"beth can you give daddy a kiss?"

"no"

"beth can you put that away please?"

"no"

"um, excuse me?"

sigh.

a long and heavy sigh.

because cute as she might be, we have now entered with her into an entirely new world. the world of discipline. and i don't even know where to begin.

where is it that you start with a one year old? time out... counting to three... slap on the hand... a stern talking to? so far we've tried all of those and none of them have really seemed to have much impact. just more crying when she doesn't get what she wants.

if this is parenthood, i'm out.

okay, not really. but it's just been so good up to this point. she's been so good and fun. but now she's learning right from wrong (sort of...), and how to talk back. at such a young age!

i know all you mothers out there are raising your eyebrows and nodding, smiling knowingly, and maybe even chuckling a little bit at my "woes", knowing how much deeper and harder it gets, while i sit here and pine away at just hearing her say "no" right to my face.

but that's just it. i may not understand exactly what lies ahead, but let me assure that i'm fully aware that there's more. and maybe that's what bothers me so much. the angel/perfect phase is gone and we've worked our way into the harder stuff. there is no going back now. the cute baby stuff is over and done. gone forever. and i know that. it only gets harder from here.

it's fun to see her develop a personality and become independent and watch her figure out how to do things on her own. and she is so sweet 85% of the time. i'm just worried that number will get less and less as she learns how to use that word (and others) more and more. and do i have any control of it? can i help shape her personality or is it something that's just so innate that i let go and say, okay, you are who you are and i love you...

maybe a little bit of both.

and you know what? i think i'm okay with that. i mean, i am in this for the long haul. i knew this was going to happen. in fact, i really looked forward to it! and i still do. but i admit that cute-baby-phase went much faster than i expected it to. and now i am wishing i could hold on to it forever! but alas, bigger and better things ahead, right? and so we enter into this new world...

oh man. here goes nothing.

it's time

2011-06-08T21:56:00.003-06:00

do you think it's time to mow the lawn when your kids are waist deep in grass and weeds?

nah... i say let 'em play.

let 'em explore the deep wonders of the jungle that is the backyard.

let 'em lose their toys to the deep green leaves

and later get eaten up by the lawnmower (true story...)

alright, maybe somebody should mow the backyard. somebody...

hint, hint.... :)

a little trip up the mountain

2011-06-03T17:04:00.005-06:00

a few weeks ago hank and i determined that our summer was beginning. sunshine or not. so we picked a hike to do one saturday and actually, despite there still being snow on the ground and temps a little cooler at the top, we had really good weather which we considered a bonus.

we set out on the trail, babe on back, marley running about and rolling in the snow, and super stoked just to be outside. now, let me also state here that we did start fairly late in the morning, got on the trail at about 9:30 or so, which 9:30=beth's nap time. so we weren't exactly sure how it was going to go. but she seemed in pretty good spirits, so press forward we did.

about 3/4 of the way up she totally crashed.

nice timing. we were so close to the top...

so we did what every good parent would do: just set her down and let her keep sleeping. it seemed like the right thing anyway, so we plopped her down and she slept while we ate some snacks and walked around the peak enjoying the view.

she woke up before too long, so we pulled her out and she joined us in our top-o-the-mountain fun.

this little girl rules. she totally loves to be outside. doesn't care if it's raining or windy or hot or cold... she just likes to be outside and i LOVE it. i like to think she got it from me, though hank and i both want to make sure all of our kids appreciate nature and the earth like we do and give them exposure to the peace and happiness that can be found by being outside with mother nature. i realize that might sound super hippy, but it's so true. we plan to take beth on her first camping trip this summer as well. tent camping even. dah dah dah (sang with deep and deafening sounds of doom) while many would rather gouge their eyes out with a straw before attempting this with a one year old, i have to say that am confident she'll do great. granted, i am giving her one trip to sort of whine and cry and figure it out, but in the end, i believe that regular camping will prevail. they never get used to it if you only go once right?

it happened

2011-05-23T20:19:00.003-06:00

that's right, it happened. and for me, it's huge. after many, many months of research, sweat, and searching and then finding it and knowing it was the one... and then the waiting, oh the waiting... for the right time, perhaps the right deal, the right situation... it finally happened.

this happened.

the canon 7d.

i got one. at the end of last week. it will be in my hands shortly, but the anticipation is killing me! after longingly feasting my eyes on this bad boy many moons ago, i have been awaiting the moment when i would get to hold one of my own. i am hoping/praying/crossing my fingers that this little gem will come before our weekend trip to utah. i will be soooo disappointed if it doesn't get here before then! (although my brother and family may be grateful)

i am on my way friends. one step closer to where i want to be.

and it feels fantastic.

rough life/from the sidelines

2011-05-21T21:14:00.008-06:00

would you look at this? would you look at the rough life my poor dog has...

this is what happens after i get out of bed, either to run, or get in the shower.

when i leave, she jumps right up into my spot (after an invitation from hank, of course), and makes herself right at home.

yes friends, my dog leads a very rough and difficult life.

hank claims that this doesn't happen everyday, but i am not buying it.

i am pretty sure it does.

i'm pretty sure this is the luckiest dog on the planet.
at least that's over 15 pounds...

(the tiny dogs that get carried around in purses all day while wearing diamond studded shirts totally baffle me even more.)

also equally amusing (okay, definitely moreso) was beth the other day, as she sat and watched the neighbor boys play basketball in our backyard.

it was so great - she carried the ball around the court with them for a while and when they decided they were going to play a game "street rules" (they're 5 and 6 - where do they get this?), she took the ball over to the grass, sat on it, and watched them from the sidelines the whole time. and she would yell at them and wave her arm, sometimes pointing to... i'm not sure what she was pointing to, but she was absolutely involved in that game. it was very funny for me as i sat and watched her sit and watch them. i was thoroughly amused.

and after the game was done and the boys were guzzling water from their water bottles, beth too rewarded herself with some hydration. she had worked so hard to be a good fan!

and i do not need the reminder that in the blink of an eye she'll be

old enough to play with these boys... yikes.

don't mind at all

2011-05-18T16:48:00.005-06:00

normally, i am not one to love rain for extended periods of time. but today, i quite like the rain.

it smells good. everything is green.

and the sound of it against my office window has been soothing me all day long.

today, i don't mind the rain at all.

new house

2011-05-17T21:28:00.007-06:00

this is beth's new house. we found it for her on craigs list. for a deal. had to have it for her. had to. and when we gave it to her, it was as if christmas suddenly manifested itself to her in this house. she LOVES it. loves, loves, loves to play in it. (ps: her laugh is so spectacular... you have to turn up the sound. it's kind of hard to hear.)

it sits on our deck outside and you can see it from the windows in our kitchen. so when we get home and sit down to eat, beth looks out the window at her new house and points at it, wanting to go out and play. and when we're done eating and i let her out of her high chair, she runs to the back door and pounds on the window saying, "ma... ma..." (that's "mom" of course), begging to be let out so she can go and play in her new house.

there's a little phone in it that she'll put up to her ear and talk to(where does she get this stuff - she's one for crying out loud!), and hang back up when she's done. and she'll go from window to window, poking her head out and talking to... anyone who will listen and perhaps talk back. usually she just ends up yelling at the dog and giving orders, who miraculously seems to comply, and satisfies her need for some control.

there is nothing better than giving your child something that brings them so much joy in the simplest of ways. i could sit and watch her play in that house for hours.

we have also had really good luck with baths lately. not in the "whoa, she actually comes out clean" sense, but in the "this is fun for everyone" sense. someone once told me that if you have a cranky, whiny or bad mood kid, stick them in the bathtub. incredible advice! it's as if there is a magic veil that hangs from the ceiling and falls down to the edge of the bathtub separating it from the outside world.

out of the bathtub, screaming. in the bathtub, splashing and playing with nothing but squeals of delight. out of the bathtub, tantrums on the floor over hearing the word "uh-oh". in the bathtub, laughter and singing and toys for everyone! it's amazing. we have such a blast that we all end up soaked, including the dog who is usually napping in the family room one floor below us. and it has literally meant that those it's-almost-time-for-bed-but-not-quite-and-i'm-so-cranky moments are fun instead of torturous. thank you, unknown author, for giving me such great advice.

and as a bonus? she comes out clean as a whistle. (who came up with that term, anyway? are whistles really that clean? really....?) it's brilliant. like a baby therapist and body scrubber all in one. i'd really like to post a video of her in the tub sometime. it's quite amusing.

almost as cute as the full 1 minute and 52 second video above... :)

MIA

2011-05-15T22:06:00.002-06:00

i realize i have not posted for two weeks. sorry about that. i was in memphis all last week, didn't have a chance to do it before i left, and literally had ZERO time to do anything but work and breathe while i was there. in fact, this is literally all i have to show for it:

taken as i was flying away from the city, and seconds before my oh-so-comfortable plane ride nap. at any rate, i have lots to blog about and promise to get on it. and soon.

cheers.

3x12

2011-05-01T21:42:00.004-06:00

i wanted to take this picture for this month specifically because it was almost exactly one year ago that we did the same thing. see picture on the right sidebar to compare. i admit it's not beth's best, but hey, she's one. she doesn't know what the heck we're asking her to look at and be cheery for. can't blame the kid. mostly i just love the blossoms on the tree. i wish they lasted longer than just a couple weeks.

holy mama, april blew by. (no pun intended a la my post below.) and this is what i have to say about it: boo to the weather (march's was way better), and hooray for all the good blessings in my life. there are indeed many.

mostly i am grateful for family. my little one, of course, that shares the same roof as i do, as well as the family who doesn't. on easter we spent the afternoon at my parent's house, eating food galore with them and some other dear family members. i have the best parents and grandparents on the planet and i feel so fortunate to be close enough to them that we can get together for those kinds of things and hang out. it seems the older i get, the more grateful i become, and now that i am in my ever-wise 30's, i am really feeling a deep appreciation for them and all they've given me. thanks mom and dad. you guys rule.

and my little family continues to rock my heart. beth, aka: rascal, is still just that, but man, she is fun. the best lately is when you stick your tongue in and out while blubbering (really no other way to describe it) she does it with you and it is comedy. she LOVES to make this funny sound and it is sooo cute. she also loves to say hi to everyone, including - and mostly - dogs. "i-da" translation: "hi dog". it's awesome. she does it to every dog, not just our dog, and she does it over and over again while "petting" them/hitting them in the face. hank hit a home run in one of our softball games, looked pretty hot doing it, and never fails to impress me with his mad playing skills. i signed up for a half (-marathon, that is). it's in june in estes park, so i am training for that and so far feel pretty good about it. i'm actually really excited for it, and happy that i'll be knocking off another goal from my list.

i got a good bike ride in with my riding friend; however our dates have been put on hold for a while when after our ride she totaled her bike by pulling into the garage with it still on the roof of her car. still bummed out for you friend! i continue to look on craig's list for a high-grade bike that costs $100 or less... haven't so much found one yet, but i'm not giving up. the search is not over and neither are our riding days. let's be optimistic here. at least we got a good ride in this month, right?

i skyped with my sister who lives so far away from me and i always love that. wish i saw you more often sis. thank goodness for skype. we need to do it earlier in the day so the cousins can see each other and you can see beth. have you even seen her yet ever? can't remember...

got garden boxes in place this month, saw a horrifying pedestrian accident which i will not go into detail about despite it being forever imprinted in my mind, got a black eye from a fall snowboarding, had an awesome last day of snowboarding with hank, he went to opening day of the rockies, i trained my sales coordinator and settled into my new office, and listened to a lot of Band of Horses. it has been a good and full month.

i also spent a lot of time this month thinking about balance. how to find that magic place, how it's different for everyone, why i so often feel out of balance, and how to find it again. but i think i will save those thoughts for another day - they are many.

but overall, i am happy. i am blessed. i am grateful. and i am holding my breath. (does anyone else ever do that when it seems like everything is going really well?) in the meantime, i am eating it up. i am excited for may. and warmer, wind-free weather!!

the middle of kansas...

2011-04-29T11:40:00.012-06:00

is where you would think we are. you would think we are on our way to oz.

i am so tired of the wind. seriously. like, it's just not fun anymore.

even for the most optimistic and cup-is-half-full people to ever live.

totally over it.

please go away wind...

lost it

2011-04-22T11:53:00.004-06:00

totally lost it.

beth did not feel the need to have her extremely dirty diaper changed or want to get dressed for the day one morning this week and out of sheer frustration after trying to no avail to talk nice and make it fun and gentle reminders that we do this every dang day i just... lost it. and i yelled at her. yep, that's right yelled. at my one year old daughter who then looked at me with the most hurt, sad eyes ever and of course bawled her eyes out even more.

and right in that instant, i wanted to die. what in the H was i thinking??? she's one for crying out loud. yes, we do this everyday, and yes, we're in a rush and late (again), but she is my child. and she's one.

my heart wrenched inside me and my stomach tied itself in a billion knots. i picked up my naked little girl and held her and soothed her and apologized a hundred times over and wished i could wake up all over again and do the whole morning over.

she was clingy and sad the rest of the morning (all 15 minutes more that i spent with her before dropping her off) and it was the worst. i didn't want to drop her off that day. i wanted to hang out with her and make it up to her and love her all day. it was horrible.

now i'll be honest and say that i spent part of my work day that day looking for some inspiration and encouragement regarding motherhood and how important it is. i wanted/needed that reminder i think. well, i found some.

i came across several things, but some of the best words i found were by Elder Ballard. and in particular, this first paragraph:

There is no one perfect way to be a good mother. Each situation is unique. Each mother has different challenges, different skills and abilities, and certainly different children. The choice is different and unique for each mother and each family. Many are able to be “full-time moms,” at least during the most formative years of their children’s lives, and many others would like to be. Some may have to work part-or full-time; some may work at home; some may divide their lives into periods of home and family and work. What matters is that a mother loves her children deeply and, in keeping with the devotion she has for God and her husband, prioritizes them above all else.

I am impressed by countless mothers who have learned how important it is to focus on the things that can only be done in a particular season of life. If a child lives with parents for 18 or 19 years, that span is only one-fourth of a parent’s life. And the most formative time of all, the early years in a child’s life, represents less than one-tenth of a parent’s normal life. It is crucial to focus on our children for the short time we have them with us and to seek, with the help of the Lord, to teach them all we can before they leave our homes. This eternally important work falls to mothers and fathers as equal partners. I am grateful that today many fathers are more involved in the lives of their children. But I believe that the instincts and the intense nurturing involvement of mothers with their children will always be a major key to their well-being. In the words of the proclamation on the family, “Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children” (“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Liahona, Oct. 2004, 49; Ensign, Nov. 1995, 102).

We need to remember that the full commitment of motherhood and of putting children first can be difficult... There are moments of great joy and incredible fulfillment, but there are also moments of a sense of inadequacy, monotony, and frustration. Mothers may feel they receive little or no appreciation for the choice they have made. ...if the simple things are being tended to, a mother’s life can be most rewarding. The joy of motherhood comes in moments. There will be hard times and frustrating times. But amid the challenges, there are shining moments of joy and satisfaction.

Read the full talk here.

since then i've been much better. i learned that i need to slow down a little bit and enjoy my time with beth, all the time. not just when she's perfect (5% of the time). but i can tell that when i'm better, she's better. and that makes a big difference.

on a sort of unrelated, actually i guess it kind of is related in that it includes beth: yesterday as i was getting ready for the day she was playing the bathroom and of course got into everything. she managed to find my jewelry box and make up bag and just went to town. it so comical and so cute. she ended up eating a good portion of my lipstick (i never wear it anyway, so that was kind of a whatev...), hence the chunks of it near her mouth, but i just had to laugh. this girl is into everything. literally everything. every drawer, every cupboard, every bag, box, wrapper, container, hole that she can get her tiny little hand into, she will find and have at it. most of the time it's fine - we've done a pretty good job of baby proofing it up around here, and other times it's like, "are you kidding me? how did manage to find/get into/make a complete mess of that?"

but how can you not love it at the same time? things like this are what one year olds do! sigh...

good times. this weekend we are building our garden boxes getting them ready for planting in the next couple of weeks. hooray! i love that the man is so handy and can build all these wonderful things for me. pictures of this to come soon.

oh, and happy easter friends. i still need to go easter shopping. sheesh.

utinsels

2011-04-16T21:41:00.005-06:00

the other day when i got home from work beth and i were playing before bedtime and she, of course, being the curious little girl that she is wanted to open every drawer and cupboard in the house. finding the utinsel drawer was like hitting the jack pot. she would pick one of them up, shake it around and try to figure it out for a bit, then hand it to me to see in what manner i would tickle her with it, or see what noise i could get it to make. then she would want to back have her own go at it again. her favorite were undoubtedly the tongs. the perfect grabber/tickler/noisemaker/toy with moving parts, she went back to those about every other minute. we could have sat there for hours and played with every gadget in the drawer, but alas, bedtime came and the fun had to end.

i love nights like these. i love the nights when i can leave work at work and come home and just hang out with the girl. work has been ultra crazy lately, and it has seemed hard to let it go when i leave and focus on my short time with beth when i get home. it bothers me when it's like that. i leave work (usually late, sorry wendy), rush to pick her up, rush to get her fed and ready for bed, play for what feels like 15 minutes, then it's off to sleep she goes and the whole night has been rushed to get those essential needs taken care of, rather than spending the quality time together that we should. that i need. not that the good nights like this don't ever happen, i just wish they happened every day that i worked, rather than say, 50% of the time. another reason i cherish the weekends. even if they're a little full and we're running around a bit, at least i'm with her all day. and i love that.

also. here is the update on my resolutions. january: finish the blanket - check. february: drop those last 10 blasted pounds - check. march: make the chocolate flan cake - check. and i must say, it was de-lish. especially after sitting in the fridge over night - long enough to get nice and chilled all the way through.

my nieces and nephew were in town and i made them help me make it. they were excited when i called it a magic cake - the layers flip flop when it cooks - and they were so unimpressed by it. it was awesome. their faces were literally, THAT's the magic? whatever, that is not even that cool. well... at least we had fun making it. :)

for the recipe, go here. and definitely go with the real deal: cajeta. not the american stuff. i also followed one of the commenter's recipe for real flan (found at near the bottom of the page), rather than go with the cream cheese version shown in the original recipe. really glad i did that, too.

cheers.

his 29th

2011-04-11T14:41:00.010-06:00

and a good weekend indeed. hank wanted to go skiing for his birthday, so we dropped beth off to hang with grandma and grandpa for the day while we hit the slopes. it was a bit windy, and the snow wasn't great, but we still had a really, really good time. hank is totally starting to tear it up on his skiis - he even hit a couple jumps and boxes. wish i would have gotten pictures of it... you'll just have to take my word for it, i guess. he really has picked it back up so quickly that at times i even have a hard time keeping up. not bad for his third time, eh? i think we're hoping to maybe get up one last time before the season ends... if so, i'll get pictures of his jumps and tricks then. in the meantime, here are a few from our day trip up the mountain.

happy birthday my love. you are the greatest father and best husband a girl could ever want. this last year has been spectacular - we have done so many fun things together just us, and as a family. here's to another good year before you join me in the geriatric ward! love you so, so much.

-your two girls.

her first

2011-04-08T17:14:00.008-06:00

well here we are about to celebrate another birthday and i haven't even posted the poor girl's first yet.. so here it is (finally).

i had planned for this post to be a bit sentimental and imagined it being one of those where i kind of tell you how much i love her and all the great new things she's doing and how our life is bliss because of this girl (and believe me, it is)... maybe the reason it's taken me so long to write it, just didn't have the words yet... but i am telling you right now, that i will not be delivering on that vision. with the pressure on to hurry up and post before someone else's birthday rolls along on sunday, this will probably just be a recap of the day instead. sorry, boring.

her birthday fell on a wednesday, a terrible day (if i'm honest) for hank and i to really be able to dig in and celebrate it. he has school at night and doesn't get home until close to 8, which is just about the time she goes to bed. so we waited until sunday for the real festivities.

we had a couple friends over and had some dinner. then put the girl in her highchair in the middle of all of us, put a candle in her cupcake and sang. she was so confused and just looked at us like we were crazy. it was comical. what do you expect from a first-timer anyway? they don't know what's going on... as far as they're concerned the jokes on them with all those eyes staring at them and smiling real big.

but once we got past all that, and blew out the candle with a little help from me and hank, she dove right into her cupcake. knew exactly what to do with that. she ate all the frosting off the top, tore up the cupcake in the process, didn't eat any of the cake part, and totally loved it. she would laugh hysterically and eat - a little bit sugar high, no doubt - and all the kids there would crack up making her laugh even harder.

after the rest of us devoured our delicious cupcakes from this place we opened the two or three gifts us and the friends had brought over. and wrapped in bags of course, is there any other way to do it with a one year old? do they not all love pulling out that tissue paper?

she is super into beads right now, so that's what we got her. rephrase: she is super into draping things around her neck right now, so we got her beads because that seems to be her favorite thing to take off and on, 100 times over. it's pretty darling, actually.

she also got her one year shots yesterday and consequently the did all the other things they do at these check ups and gave me her stats. these, i would like to document for her first birthday:

31" tall - 80th%

23lbs, 2 oz - 75th%

and in a couple weeks when i have some stunning pictures of this little girl who is certainly no longer a baby anymore, i will post them and the accompanying sappy thoughts that were meant for this one. the weather is warm, we are spending good time outside, and i am excited to start snapping away again in good light. even though this is a late post, i want one more time to say to my little girl,

happy first birthday beth!!!

we love you so so much.

3x12

2011-04-03T16:30:00.006-06:00

hank affectionately calls this picture: me, my girl, and the terminator

whoa. march is over. it seems like it came and went in the blink of an eye. but it was a really good, full month. spring/summer finally came and, as you can see, we managed to get out quite a bit. woohoo! we were a little worried beth wouldn't be havin it in her backpack now that she's mobile, but she loves it! it's awesome.

now that daylight savings is here we go on walks after work which i love. i love that i am getting time with my girl outside. winter is hard that way. winter kept us inside, and low on the ever essential vitamin d. i am so happy that the days are just getting longer and longer, giving us more time to play together outside on warm evenings.

we celebrated a special birthday and are still in disbelief at how quickly the last year has gone by. craz-i-ness. i'm starting to believe people when they say it only gets faster. i don't like the notion, i am just starting to believe it. we had a few friends over, ate mini cupcakes and watched little beth get excited over a couple small gifts. separate post and pictures of this event to come.

hank and i got to go skiing, which was epic (why in the world did we wait 4 years - and until after we had a kid - for that...?! honestly.) didn't get any pictures of this - really, really wish i would have - but now that hanks gone once, he's hooked and dying to go again, so i'm sure there will be other opportunities for that in the near future. yesssssssss!

and i'm getting a sales coordinator at work!!!! most of you have no idea what that means, but just know this: my life will be made 100 times better with this addition to my team at work. let me rephrase that: my life will be 100 times better now that i will have a team at work. i will no longer be the only person in my department. it's like having a super-assistant. i am so super stoked about this. to have help is going to be so rad. like, so rad. and as a result, i am also moving offices. my office is going to the coordinator, and i am going to a much larger office kind of far away. i get to pick out all new furniture and really make it my own. sweeeeet!!!

there are also buds on all the trees which makes me really happy. pretty soon everything will be green again! i am also considering myself a green thumb genius - after going 4 years with nothing being able to grow in our little flower bed out front, i finally have 18 tulip plants coming up and one of them even has a flower already budding through. again, an epic acheivement for the van ordens.

we all (and by that i mean beth and i) have finally gotten over our seemingly eternal colds, and back to our healthy selves again. thank goodness. we are all happier when we are healthy.

everyday, and particularly the days i manage to get outside and play, i think to myself how much i love fort collins. and how much i never want to leave. it is honestly the perfect place for us. it has exactly everything we want, everything we need, and our lives here are fantastic just so rich. and now we are getting a temple!!!! i cannot express my excitement at this announcement! our perfect place literally could not get any better now. i dread the day we have to leave. maybe we'll never have to....

ps: my favorite thing about today was: it was a windy day and as we were getting out of the car once hank said to beth, can you feel all that wind beth? tell mommy that i'm the wind beneath your wings....

so cheesy i wanted to DIE. yet it also left me totally cracking up.

walks

2011-03-28T10:17:00.002-06:00

ever since she figured out this walking thing... it's like a rocket ship that's taken off. there's just no stopping it.
since the weather has been nice and warm and with daylight savings giving us that extra hour of light after i get home from work, we've been venturing out a bit and taking some walks. we go the usual route - the one i used to take her on when i was home for 12 weeks and she would just sleep the whole way. but now she gets tired of the stroller and wants to be on her own two feet, making her own way. and so, for the last little while of our journey, we all walk and it's great! progress toward our goal of home is usually very slow and often diverted by little miss who loves to run the opposite direction of the way we're going. and i call to her, "beth, we're going this way" and i wave my arm and start to walk; she begins to follow for a step or two before turning the other way, laughing and b-lining it for somewhere else. little teaser... independent, that girl is. remind you of anyone mom?

and marley, who is 50 yards ahead of us most of the time, gets tired of waiting and lays down in the grass as we slowly catch up to her. and sometimes it prompts beth to sit down for a little rest, and i am caught between the two, as though in stale mate. the whole scene is really quite comical.
but i love that we are getting out. i love that she wants to explore and run and play and be on her own two feet. it makes for a handful at times (besides walks like these), but as her personality develops and manifests itself, i can see that she is going to be a strong and funny little girl. and i can't wait for what lies ahead. (i know, i say that now...)

and today friends, i am sitting in my little condo in the mountains. the snow is falling outside, beth is napping in her pack n play (FINALLY - you have no idea), and i am waiting my turn to hit the slopes on this beautiful fresh snow. we've come up with some friends and are taking turns at the mountain, which, i will add, we have practically all to ourselves. they closed the pass not long after we made it over, so anyone who was planning on driving in today cannot and only those who came in last night are the lucky ones who get to enjoy this amazing powder. did i mention how stoked i am?! it's been a couple years, and i am so super excited to ride the mountain again. hank is giving his best and remembering how to ski (it's been a few years, like 20. literally), and we're hoping that at some point we'll be able to get out together for a couple runs. i think we've arranged that. so it should be awesome. snow all day today, and sun tomorrow. so tomorrow will be even better and i am even more anxious for that. anyone jealous yet? :) despite getting virtually no sleep last night - thank you screaming child, you're the best - today, my life is awesome. wish you all were here. no, for reals.

opening day

2011-03-25T22:08:00.002-06:00

the last couple of weeks i've been fairly sick. beth and i both have been fighting nasty colds. but last weekend i got some much needed vitamin D and have felt much better this week. the turning point? definitely saturday. what i like to call: opening day.

saturday afternoon my friend sarah and i commenced with opening day of mountain biking season. on a beautiful sunny afternoon, in the peak of 65 degree weather, we headed out into the hills on our dusty bikes and out of shape muscles. (it's been a couple of years....)

and man, it felt good to get back out. the trail wasn't all that hard, though it kind of felt like it at times, and it was the perfect way to start the summer. and by summer, i really mean spring. it is only march after all.

but i guess that's part of the beauty of it. it's only march and we were out there. in our short sleeved shirts and shorts, beads of sweat being dried up by the wind as we cruised the trail...

it. was. awesome.

the weather has been so good to us - we probably could have gone on several rides this month. i am hoping it is indicative of a true and warm spring without a late snow storm that seems to inevitably hit the front range in april.

either way, i am so glad we took that glorious day to open it up. it was so healing and therapeutic for me. and we've got big plans for more baby.

summer 2011, you better watch out. morgan and van orden headed straight your way. and we plan to take full advantage of everything you got.

(i am in that bottom right picture, i promise. can you find me????)

good times, morgan, good times. next stop: hall's ranch?

over n out.

the problem...

2011-03-23T16:43:00.004-06:00

....is not that don't have anything to post, or even that i don't have time. the problem is that i take all these pictures and then do not upload them to my computer so that i can include them with my posts. and let's be honest... the pictures are really what people want to see.

so.

i am in the process of transferring quite a few (like 100 or so) from my camera and phone over to the computer, where i can then upload them into my web albums and post them on my blog. it's taking me a while. sorry friends. i realize that i have been terrrible about posting regularly, particularly this month. i've not forgotten about you. i promise you a few good posts in the very near future. i am dying to do it, i promise.

hang in there.....

on this day in history

2011-03-09T10:10:00.003-07:00

after going to bed late on monday night, i woke up at 1am with some fairly strong and persistent pain. i laid in bed for a while trying to decide what to do, and at 1:32am it happened.

hank... hank... i think my water just broke.

within 20 seconds i was sure of it. and out the door we went. contractions were just 2 or 3 minutes apart, but i was feeling pretty good and super anxious. we arrived at the hospital, and i was taken to a room where they checked my progress. at 4cm and with consistent contractions one of the nurses announced to me, "oh good, you get to stay!"

i get to stay?! of course i get to stay. i'm labor lady!

turns out they end up sending about 50% of people back home because they've jumped the gun on going to the hospital. who knew?

from there things moved pretty rapidly; by 6am i was at 8cm and on meds, which i had decided to get after throwing up several times due to the pain. i was nervous about it. i was afraid of giving up total control of my body. thankfully i could still move my own legs, still feel every contraction, and even bear some weight on them. we were in good shape.

well then i got stuck. or should i say we got stuck. we didn't move from 8cm for the next 9 hours. after unsuccessful attempts at progression with some strong doses of pitocin, the doctor recommended a c-section. this tiny little human just wasn't quite tiny enough to fit through the natural passage way to make her entrance into the world. so after the doc's talk at 3pm, we were in the OR and i was under the knife within 20 minutes. it happened so fast and the nurses and doctors were moving so quickly that i almost started to panic that something was wrong. of course, nothing was. these people do this for a living. they're good at it. they're fast at it. almost too fast.

i remember lying on the table starving to death and the doctors kept talking about their lunch and going to burger king. so badly i wanted to say, will you please stop talking about food???

hank was next to me the whole time, looking over the sheet occasionally, his finger on the shutter button of the camera. and then it happened. she was here.

at 3:30pm on March 9, 2010 our little Beth was born. pulled right from my stomach and with that first cry immediately enriched our lives. hank and i both shed tears of joy as we held her close between us for the first time. it was unreal. one of the most amazing moments of my life. hands down.

and here we, one year later and now she seems like a little girl and no longer a baby. man, time flies. fa-lies. but she still makes us just as happy as she did on day one. she's also learning how to make us crazy at times, but we love her just the same. she bring us so much love and joy.

so here's to you little missy. we sure love you. more than you'll ever know. and can't wait to see what this next year brings.

happy birthday beth van orden.

(photos taken just last night - getting ready for the big day)

ode to bunny

2011-03-06T20:07:00.004-07:00

dear bunny,

oh how you are loved little bunny. with those long floppy ears and little nose... yes, you are loved. you are carried everywhere. taken about as though you were an added appendage to that little body. you are even sucked on at times, but this is purely the sweet affection of a little one. please do not take it the wrong way.

oh bunny, how you have saved us from major meltdowns and tantrums. you must whisper calming secrets only little ears can hear. i don't mind one bit, as long as you keep whispering them.

you are the best sleeping companion there ever was. with your white fur so soft. i worry you will lose the fur on those glorious ears someday with all the stroking of them by little hands when the light goes out and tired eyes close. held so close so as to hear those calming secrets once again, you are so loved the most when sleep must be had. you must bring some really sweet dreams to that tiny little mind. i don't mind one bit, as long as you keep bringing them.

you are missed when you're not near, and little eyes often look for you when you're away. and when you're found, a clinging hug is always in order from the one who loves you most of all. you are then drug around by your floppy hear or dangling arm. and you don't seem to mind, as long as she keeps clinging to you.

i'm sorry i've had to wash you a time or two. i'm sure those aren't your favorite days. but bunny, trust me when i say, you needed it. with dirt, and food, and drool, and all kinds of love stuck in that beautiful fur, you've deserved a good clean or two. i hate that it's taken away that original softness you once arrived with, but she doesn't seem to mind, as long as your near.

yes bunny, you are loved. and not just by little hearts, but by big hearts too as we've watched you make our little one smile and squeal, laugh and be giddy. thank you for being her friend, for calming her, for giving her the last gentle kiss good night, and taking the beating that you do. and i don't mind that sometimes she needs you more than she needs me, as long as you always love her the way i would.

yep, you're a good one bunny. i hope you're in it for the long haul. because if you fail to perform just as well when she's 16, well, we're kicking you out.

(i would have killed to have had these ones turn out crystal clear, but alas, my camera is just not quite fast enough to capture this little girl in action in not-so-great light. someday i'll get that 7D... someday....)

3x12

2011-02-26T12:18:00.011-07:00

let me tell you about this day.

i had a conference for work in vegas this week, so hank and beth came along with me so that we could also spend time with his family. conference was tuesday thru thursday morning, and it was good. it was awesome, actually. my hotel received a really good award (which was a surprise), i got to see some dear friends, laugh a lot, dance a little, and spend time with some corporate folks who also shared their unexpected praise. it put me on a very nice career high. but by the end, i was ready to be done. i wanted to be back with my man and babe. even though they weren't far away i missed them.

when they picked me up from the hotel, we went out to the district, some old stomping grounds for me and hank when we used to live here. an awesome outdoor shopping district in henderson with our two favorite places: lucille's bar-b-que, and REI.

after being over-stimulated and inside a smoky, busy, loud casino for 2 days, all i wanted to do was get outside. we found the perfect place for beth to run around and play... a courtyard of sorts between the shops with a soft padded ground where she could fall as many times as she wanted and not get hurt. as we sat in the warm sun, playing and laughing together, all i could do was think,

i am on top of the world.

i sat there and watched hank (being the incredible dad that he is) play with beth and make her laugh and squeal. i may or may not have even shed a couple of silent happy tears. i didn't want to be anywhere else, with anyone else, doing anything else. i was on a total high and so full of gratitude and joy for all the things i had going for me right at that moment: i have a good job that i'm actually kind of good at, i was outside in the fresh air and warm sun, and most importantly, i was with the two people who matter the very most to me, and we were having a splendid time just being together.

since learning to walk this month, beth has been moving non stop. she loves being on her own two feet and mobile. she was ready to get up and run months ago, and now she can't keep up with herself. her mind moves much quicker than her feet (though they're catching up quick), and she's already trying to run everywhere. try containing that on a two hour flight. she is handful, but she is so rad. she is loved by both me and her dad.

after playing for a bit, we had some delicious lunch, checked out some crazy lizard this guy had brought over from australia and just let chill on the sidewalk, hit up the REI where we found some great deals, and then headed back home.

today was a good, good day. i really couldn't have asked for a better day.

it's true...

2011-02-13T21:03:00.004-07:00

i am the big 3-0. i have entered a new decade. and i'm not sure how i feel about it.

actually, to be honest with you, it was one of the best birthdays i've had in a long time. lots of people remembered and called or texted me, work was super nice to me, i was spoiled with gifts, got to spend the afternoon with a good friend/conversation, even took a walk because it was nice enough outside (which was a present in itself), and hank and i went on the hottest date ever. and i'm not just saying that. it really was hot. i even bought a dress for the occasion. i felt really special. so totally worth it.

so even though i was afraid i would feel old now, it's not as bad as i thought it would be. i don't feel older. i just have to say that i'm older. when people ask me, i have to begin my answer with a number that's higher than 2. and that's kind of weird. besides that, and feeling like my biological clock is ticking too fast to crank out those 6 other kids (joke), i am cool with my new age.

so thank you to all of you who remembered me, and made this big one such a great day. i was nervous that it would be terrible and be like an omen to how my 30's would go, but it wasn't that way at all. it was awesome. i was super stoked to have had such a stellar day.

and this part is for the grandparents especially. check out your little granddaughter...

and you guys will get the chance to see it first hand when we come to see you next weekend, but i thought it would still be fun for you to feel like you were seeing her walk really good for the first time too. i knew you guys would love it as much as we do.

okay, that's it for now. rock on dirty 30's. rock on.

7 hours...

2011-02-04T20:57:00.003-07:00

.... the number of hours i've slept in the last 3 days. or should i say, the last 3 nights.

why, you ask?

let's see if this doesn't tell you anything:

yes, mothers of the world, i am now one of the club. and thank you for letting me join.

it's a pleasure.

okay, not really.

while i will tell you that i love motherhood more than anything, there are definitely moments that i love more than others. holy cow, i am so dang tired. please tell me this doesn't go on forever.

someone? please?

and the poor little girl. feel so bad for her. she is just so uncomfortable and miserable, you can tell. and the only way she knows how to express it is to cry and pull her hair and bang her hands on her legs, the floor, whoever is holding her, whatever is closest...

thankfully (and as you can see) we got some meds from the doc today to help us get rid of that blasted ear infection and horrible runny nose and cruel cough. if we can just get through tonight, we'll be okay. i know it. we just have to get through tonight. no more nights like the last 3... sleep for a few minutes, cry for 30, sleep for a few, cry for 30... unable to find any position or way to get comfortable enough to sleep for a longer period of time. poor little thing.

on a positive note, as we were working through one of the awake periods at 12:30am last night, our little girl became a walker. well, we're calling her that. she took more than 5 steps by herself before falling. that counts, right?

she is brave and takes off a lot on her own, but usually only gets in a step or two or three before she falls. she doesn't seem to mind falling all that much - just get's back up and tries again. she's getting really good at balancing while standing, just the actual walking part that needs some work. but let it be known, that on february 4, sometime in the middle of the night when we all should have been sleeping, we weren't and beth took her first independent steps. enough that we're counting it as her first day of walking. congratulations to us. we are very proud parents. i will try to get some pictures of it and post them soon.

3x12

2011-01-30T21:15:00.003-07:00

so i admit that i saw this idea on another blog and i'm stealing it. the idea is to take and post a picture once a month of all of us. i am terrible at getting pictures of the three of us, but i love when i do, so this will be a really good way to keep me on top of that. a journal of sorts. and i confess i am excited.

i actually really love this photo, too. it perfectly captures a typical saturday or sunday morning. beth in bed with us as we desperately attempt to continue sleeping - hoping that for some miraculous reason she will want to keep sleeping too (after just waking up from a 12 hour nap). it never happens. let's be honest, what are we thinking...? but for some reason we always try.

so we end up just lying in bed as she climbs and crawls all over the place... eventually the blinds get opened, the sunshine floods our room, and somehow or another marley usually ends up in the middle of it all. it's great. despite our failed attempts at additional sleep, and a sad realization that the days of sleeping in are probably gone forever, i love spending the first part of my day this way. it's a break from the weekday rush, and i'd rather be woken up by little miss beth than an alarm clock any day.

after a good half an hour or so of this, beth gets tired of being confined, and she and the man get anxious for breakfast, and our day officially begins.

that's why this picture is so awesome - because it is us. us just as we are in real life. and i love it.

my life, that is...

light

2011-01-27T22:29:00.004-07:00

you guys, look.

this picture is significant, not because it's the most beautiful sunset on the earth (though it isn't bad), but because i took this photo at 5:19 on my way home from work.

there was still light outside on my way home from work. do you know how huge that is? i breathed in, smiled, and watched the sun fall behind the mountains the entire drive home. so excited that i got to see the light fade.

it's been a while. a long while.

we are entering a new phase. light on the way home from work means we are getting closer to being able to take beth for walks in the evening before bed, grilling out on deck, taking bike rides after work, and lazy parties in the backyard.

i know it's only january, but these are the things i look forward to. those wonderful days of spring are only getting closer and closer. with sixty degrees today, i am hoping we'll see a few more warm days this winter as the light stays longer.

and if it does?

we'll be golden.

i am the winner

2011-01-24T22:28:00.011-07:00

let me tell you why i am going to win

mother of the year.

there are several reasons really.

i will share just some of them with you.

to start us off, you should know that

i let her eat cords and other electric things.

like, all the time.

because i have given up hope that she will ever stop.

you should also know i let my 10 month old daughter

drive the car. just to and from daycare is all...

and seriously?

she loves it. she absolutely loves it.

taking us down the home stretch..... opening the garage door.... and we're home.

she totally knows what she's doing.

and here is the best reason of all:

a little while ago i was letting beth play

on the kitchen floor while i was doing some cooking.

she was playing with some large utensils and plastic bowls

as i was chopping up some spices, garlic, and things of the sort.

next thing i know, she starts whining.

"what is it babe? what's the problem..."

within 30 seconds she is really starting to cry.

"what is wrong with you? did you hurt yourself? are you bleeding?" no blood.

and now she is in a full on scream.

"beth, seriously. what's the matter?"

and then it starts coming out...

of her nose.

gobs and gobs of white mucus, running out of her nose like crazy. she is rubbing her eyes, gagging, screaming

and hank and i are totally clueless.

and then it hits me.

"oh my gosh, she totally ate some raw garlic! it must have fallen on the floor while i was cutting it up."

poor little girl didn't know what hit her.

by now hank is holding her over the bathroom sink

in case she decides she wants to barf it up,

i am making a bottle

with the hope it will somehow overpower that

raw little chunk of garlic sitting in her stomach (yeah, right),

and the girl looks like she would rather die

than deal with all the stuff coming out her nose

and eyes and who knows where else.

i can't decide whether to laugh or panic -

my innate altruism tells me to laugh

while the new mom in me says to call the nurse line.

with only minimal success with the bottle,

we decide to wait it out.

it's just garlic... eventually it has to work its

way out of her system, right?

right?

well, thankfully it did. about an hour and half later. poor girl.

yep friends, mother of the year. right here.

i get it

2011-01-15T21:58:00.012-07:00

i get it. i totally get it. most people would kill to have one of these and i never really got why. i was more of a what's-the-big-deal-aren't-they-all-the-same kind of gal when it came to these.

but now that i have one, i understand what all the fuss was about.

uh-mazing! and i have to give all the credit to hank. the man got this thing on black friday at about 3:30am. (are you impressed? because i am). best way to do it, i guess. i am changed. i will never go back. who knew a vacuum could totally enthrall me?

oh, and that blasted crochet blanket? check.

one for the books

2011-01-11T20:36:00.005-07:00

friends. let me tell you what i found the other day. let me tell you why the pack'n'play is in beth's room. and let me preface this by referring back to this post (namely just the end of that post).

the other day when i went to get beth out of bed, i was slightly overcome with the smell of poop. now. let me just say that this is not an abnormality. in fact, i get a yummy whiff of that just about every morning. i walked over to the crib where beth was eagerly awaiting my arrival, and to my dismay found that she had exploded out of her little pajama pants and up her back. unfortunately, this was almost not surprising as it was certainly not the first time we've dealt with this before either.

"oh joy" i said as i reached in to get her.

and then i saw it.

it was everywhere. and i mean everywhere. somehow this girl had managed to get poo smeared (in a large amount) all over the bumper, the crib sheet, her blanket and even the crib toy attached to one of the crib bars (on the opposite side of the crib as the bumper smear). yes friends, we had a mess on our hands.

i repeated my sarcastic "oh joy" remark to the power of 10. and then i sighed. a big long sigh.

and the cleaning began. first the girl: off with the clothes and straight to the bath. and after that was finished, i took her down for her breakfast bottle, as she was starving by now, and totally forgot that i needed to get the crib cleaned up. nice one linds. so when nap time came, out came the pack'n'play. the obvious solution.

and thus she slept in it for both her morning and afternoon nap while every content of her crib was washed, scrubbed, and cleaned.

in the evening i put her in it to keep her somewhat contained while i put her laundry away and she went nuts! she loved it! she played in that thing by herself without toys or blankets, having the time of her life for a good 45 minutes. it was hilarious.

hank wanted to leave it in there for good, but i refused. even though it was pretty funny.

oh yes, and to top it all off? the same day we found that she has four teeth coming in right now. FOUR. poor girl.

poor us.

and yet, we wouldn't change a thing.

well, maybe just one or two....

i love this girl

2011-01-02T22:29:00.006-07:00

she is funny. she is a pill. she is growing so fast. and she is a handful - and becoming more of one every day as she gets smarter and smarter and better and better at playing dumb. but even still she brings such joy to my soul and added purpose to my life. after taking the week off work and just being home, just being a mom for a whole week, i was reminded of this to an even fuller extent and remembered that i work so hard now so that someday i can be home all the time and not just a couple days at a time. such a rascal, this girl. but such a joy.

and so we open up a new year. and a good one it will be, i have no doubt. life is so good right now - hank and i are in such a good place, we have fun together, we laugh together, we love being together and to watch him with beth is the greatest thing on the planet. things only seem to get better and better every day. but as most do with a new year, i have resolved to setting new goals for myself. things that need to get done, things i want to get done, things i hope will make me a better person. break bad habits, instill better ones... the goal is to complete one every month this year. start them now, finish them then. i'm sharing my list so you all will help keep me in check. here goes:

january: finished that blasted crochet blanket
february: shake the last 10 pounds
march: find and learn how to make a flan cake that hank keeps telling me about
april: buy a new camera. a really, really nice one.
may: run a half marathon
june: take beth camping
july: hike a 14er
august: go to lake tahoe
september: read the book of mormon, all the way through
october: spend more time with my grandparents, good one-on-one time
november: remember to buy hank an anniversary card
december: finish paying off one of the big ones

now, i know that most resolutions made this time of year go unchecked, unfinished. not these ones friends. they are happening. i've set it in my mind that they will making it a pretty big year but i am totally up for it. and you? have you made some too???

love/hate

2010-12-22T23:10:00.008-07:00

winter solstice. that was yesterday. and here's the thing about winter solstice. i love it and i hate it. hate it: it's the shortest day of sunshine in the whole year. that's tough for me. i need sunshine. i thrive on sunshine. sunshine is my air. love it: the days only get longer from here, AND only 4 days until that blessed christmas day. i could not be any more excited.

i still have so much to do it's unreal. december has been insane. so much so that at times i am literally living from 10 minutes to 10 minutes. work has been nuts and christmas has crept up on me so quickly that i am way behind and still have shopping to do. and wrapping. ahhh! picked up beth's last gift at the wonderful clothes pony yesterday. (super excited about that one..) the town was a-buzz with shoppers and skaters amidst christmas carols playing in the background. it was very jolly.

and tell me, in what other town do you see this?

c'mon, how rad is that? where else have you ever seen painted pianos just out in the town for anyone to play? i love fort collins. notice the little kid playing... totally busted out jingle bells, right off the top of his head. it was awesome. very jolly. and helped me keep my mind off the fact that it got dark at 4:22pm.

hank and i put beth down and wrapped her presents tonight while we watched charlie brown's christmas and home alone. i know, old school, but great holiday movies. we were totally cracking up. and when we got done, i looked at my tree and just felt so.... blessed. i am so lucky. we are so lucky. we have such a good, comfortable life and have so much when there are so many that have so little. i love that i get to spend time with my family. i love the different spirit in the air. i love that we have all been healthy. i love that we have get to celebrate the birth of our Jesus Christ. and i am so grateful.

but i have also learned that toys are hard to wrap. they're all weird shapes and uncooperative and awkward... so they're not pretty, but they're wrapped. this one is my favorite. both wrapped and unwrapped. can't wait for her to open this one. yes, it is what it looks like-ish. but now you'll have to wait and see it after beth does. but it's awesome.

and notice the troll wrapping paper, gifted to me by a good friend who thought i might appreciate it. and she was right, i love it! how original is it. and it's like 30 years old to boot. love it! (thanks annette!)

okay friends, time to hit the sack. another full day tomorrow. and only 2 days til chirstmas then.

yikes/wahoo!!!!

Merry Christmas friends.

meet dean

2010-12-14T22:24:00.004-07:00

nope, not my dad. not this time. this is new dean. just arrived dean. who came to my sweet SIL kate and her husband on december 3. he's the whole reason we went to utah. we had to meet him! here are some pics of this new little guy...

this one is my favorite....

check out his awesome blue eyes.

and i LOVE this photo. she put her hand on him to soothe him and keep him calm while we took photos. the second she did he totally mellowed out and calmed down. i LOVE this photo.

welcome to the world dean. we can't wait to watch you grow.

road trippin'

2010-12-10T20:56:00.004-07:00

we made the 10 hour drive to southern utah for a long weekend. little nervous about the drive with beth but she was such a champ. went 4 hours the first day which she slept about half of (but was great the rest of the time), and drove the remaining 6 hours the next day, of which she slept 4 hours of. it was awesome. we'll see how she does on sunday when we make the drive all in one day. in ski traffic. on I-70. blagh.

she really has been a total sport.

haven't made this drive in a long time, but as we went it brought back a lot of memories. back in the day when cedar city was my stomping ground i drove that route home and back probably a hundred times. the landscape was so familiar and i remembered so many landmarks and checkpoints and could tell you pretty close how much longer to get home (or to the next town) from just about any given point along the way.

can't tell you how many times i just wanted to go home, so jumped in the car and made the drive late on thursday night, coasting into town on fumes and pennies, with a good mom who'd give me money for gas to make it back on sunday.

we are here to meet our new nephew and cousin, dean. he is the CUTEST new baby boy ever. he really is. so small and perfect. and so exciting. pictures of this new little guy to come soon.

and this picture did not come from this trip, but i am posting it anyway because i think it's a great picture. we were at lowe's the other night and they had this guy on display that of course we had to try out. of course!

let me tell you, it was the hit of the day. this little girl loved this car... we pushed her around the store in the car and got the wheels all dirty (apparently we were the only ones who thought "display" really meant "free sample"). she really thought it was the greatest thing ever and i thought it was a good investment, but hank thought it was too big and didn't want to store it and "where would we use it?" the zoo! i replied. not a good enough answer i guess because we walked away empty handed.

rats.

it was fun while it lasted.

but we'll be back.

as of late

2010-12-05T21:35:00.005-07:00

friday night hank, beth and i went down to denver to a marriott client event which included the parade of lights. such a great parade. even the band people put lights in their uniforms and on their instruments. the floats are awesome, and it is really a cool parade. totally adds to spirit and fun of the season as it winds in the heart of downtown where the old buildings along the street are lit and the trees strewn with white lights. it was also 50 degrees out (yes, even at 8:30 at night) which made it all the more enjoyable. it was packed and the bleachers we sat on were so jammed full that all of us could barely move. little tough with a 9 month old. she did pretty well... for the first 20 minutes. and then she was done. so we made our way out of the crowd and watched the rest from our hotel room 19 stories above. bummer, but nevertheless magical still.

the next day i woke up feeling terribly sick and just, blah. and i had promised a friend that i would help her clean her new house before moving in. after getting back from denver i rested for a bit, and then went over to help and i was completely and totally worthless. sorry friend. i feel much better now, please call me if you want me to come out again. i promise to be much more productive.

we also just finished putting the lights up as of like, 20 minutes ago. and thank goodness because i am really tired of having christmas storage bins sitting in my front room. they are gone now (thank you my love), and i feel much better. the house looks awesome (again, thank you my love). no pics to post yet, but perhaps in the near future. our street is definitely the best in the area. people are starting to drive up and down it slowly to look at the lights.

as we were finishing up outside, a guy came out of our neighbors house and said to our neighbor "the lights in your yard look pretty good here. your whole street looks good. you guys got some kinda community contest goin' or something?"

i wanted to say, "no, but we should. because we would totally win."

well, we might not win - there are some pretty good light displays around here. but we do keep adding lights every year, so eventually we'd win. we'd have to.

we even put lights on our deck this year. (i know, who sees those anyway? well, we do. and we like it okay?) and while we were back there putting lights on our deck, i had the most brilliant idea ever. we actually have a really great back yard that's fairly large with trees and bushes that border the perimeter of the grass and now we have this great deck.... (do you see where i'm headed with this?) next year we are going to put lights in our back yard (we're done with lights this year) and have and Ice Party (or some other clever name) and have the party in the backyard with with an amazing display of lights to keep us entertained. and we'll have lots of hot chocolate and cider, maybe a sweet white elephant gift exchange, bring your gloves and your scarves... come on! does that not sound so rad and original??? i'm so stoked on it. like, seriously. hank is stoked on the lights in the backyard thing, but not so much the party yet. i think he thinks i'll forget or grow out of the idea by next year, but nope. i won't. i think it's awesome. it's totally going to happen. so get ready friends and fam who live close by. you have a year to gear up for it.

and lastly (how random is this????) i've decided i'm going to live my life as though i am about to be a participant on the amazing race. anybody watch it? (and am i the only one who thinks nick is the biggest jerk on the planet...?) because here's the thing: the people who make it to the end and do the best are always physically fit and in shape. the notso-fit folks usually get booted in the first few weeks. and since being on the show is a personal dream/fantasy/lifelong goal of mine, so i've decided that if i act like i'm really going to be on the show, i will train and eat and get in shape so that i can make it to the end and win (obviously). and since i haven't found any other things to motivate me as of late, i'm just rolling with it. i start training for it tomorrow. and there you have it.

ps: hank just saw how long my post was and said, geez, that is so much to read. is there even enough space on the internet for that? and i responded that no, i'm sure my blog will implode because i have more than 2 paragraphs. good grief already.

slow and steady wins the race

2010-11-30T10:29:00.005-07:00

thanksgiving this year was awesome. the food was amazing, the friends are rad, the christmas lights and tree went up (we added more this year, wahoo!), and i feel like i have so much to be grateful for this year. we've all been healthy, we have jobs that afford us a comfortable life, and most importantly, we are happy. so happy. it's amazing how far we've come from just a year ago, how much has changed, how full life seems to be, and how fast it's gone.

thanksgiving day beth finally started to crawl. slow and sort of flailing at first, with lots of faceplants. but now that she's figured it out she loves it. she LOVES that she is mobile and can get to where her little curious/mischevious mind wants to go. particularly now that the tree is up. she still faceplants it every once in a while (kind of funny, c'mon...), but that's becoming less and less and we are doing more and more chasing. her poor little knees are red and bruised from being on them so much. but she loves it - it doesn't seem to bother her at all.

i was talking to my sister yesterday, and i told her that she beat me to a post. the its-way-too-early-for-christmas-decorations-and-music-but-im-totally-eating-it-up post. right after halloween i went shopping and there was christmas stuff everywhere and carol of the bells playing. normally, i'm not one to overlook thanksgiving being that it is a holiday just for food and football. but i will tell you that this year, i was all over that music and jolliness. it got me so excited for christmas this year. SO excited. maybe because it's beth's first. probably because the feeling in the air is different, people are generally different this time of year, and it's such a great time to remember what CHRISTmas is all about. love, love, LOVE this time of year.

i made hank pull out christmas vacation and watch it with me the other night. oh man, that movie is such comedy. i don't think i'll ever get sick of the classic lines like,

"if i woke up tomorrow with my head sown to the carpet i wouldn't be more surprised than i am right now,"

or "lotta sap in here. little full, lotta sap,"

or this conversation (which has been quoted a million times in my family):

"and why is the carpet all wet todd?"

"i don't know margo!"

('member that jen?)

so many great moments and one-liners. totally classic. just added to my holiday cheer.

i've been taking beth outside to see the lights on our house and to the other houses in our neighborhood with lights. it's so cool to watch her eyes get big and just stare at them, taking it in. of course, she doesn't get it, but it's still so fun to see her take things in for the first time and watch the lights twinkle and dance, or the reindeer move. i can only imagine what goes through little heads when they see stuff like this. would kill to get in her mind sometimes.

yes friends, chirstmas is upon us. those salvation bell ringers are out in full force and by jove, it's time to be merry.

now if we could just get some snow right about december 24th....

6 years (and 3 days) ago...

2010-11-22T21:43:00.006-07:00

... hank and i tied the knot. sealed the deal (pun totally intended). strapped on the ol' ball and chain. (that one was for you babe). got hitched. and it was beautiful.

and now 6 years later, life gets better and better with each passing day. this last year in particular has been amazing and i am humbled and grateful at the wonderful life i have because of him. sure wish i would have thought to get him a card to tell him that... woopsie!

yes, i've heard about it everyday since. and yes, he got me a card. i am so lame.

we went out to dinner, just the two of us, and reminisced of "favorites" from the year. beth, of course, topped the list. but there were lots of other memories shared and laughed about, and we talked about how much our life had changed from just one year ago. crazy what kids will do to you... we wondered how it will change in the next year too. i can't imagine it getting any better or more fulfilling than this, but somehow i have a hunch it will.

how did i get so lucky?

i love you dearest hank. you are the light of my soul for sure. thank you for being the awesome man that you are and loving me for imperfect, quirky, stubborn, needy, silly me.

down by the water

2010-11-09T21:41:00.004-07:00

a few weeks ago i was driving by this private lake and saw a small beach, riddled with old fishing boats, canoes, and sailboats landed for the season.

"holy hannah" i thought to myself. "that would be the coolest place ever to take pictures."

the victims? the brock kids. suckers.

it actually worked out perfect. eliza and i had been trying to find a good time and place and this presented itself nicely for the occasion. the result:

good times down by the water.

thanks again for letting me drag you and your kids across the country for this friend, eliza. you and your kids r.u.l.e. :) let's do it again sometime...

the highchair

2010-11-07T08:54:00.006-07:00

yes, we finally busted out the highchair. the highchair that cost us $5 at an estate sale that we fell in love with and had to have because it is classic and in awesome shape for being a good 30 years old (at least).

i was kind of worried that she would fall over in it and hurt herself on the metal bars, but she's totally fine and loves it. always has her foot pressed up against the bottom of the tray.

she ate and played in it for a while i made these lovelies:

definitely a childhood favorite! then hank took her up to get her ready for bed and i smiled as i heard all sorts of blubbering sounds coming from upstairs (that's hank blubbering his mouth against her tummy). he is such a good dad. i mean good.

i love it.

this little rascal is also getting so close to crawling. (have i said that before?) no, this time it's for reals. up on all fours, rocking a little bit... i know it's coming. and as excited as i am, i also know it means i have to be a little more watchful than i am now (but really not that much - she rolls all over tarnation now anyway), but we will definitely need to baby proof our house just a little bit. we still haven't done any of that. meh, we'll get around to it eventually. eventually is probably pretty soon though really.

okay so maybe i should have done it sooner.

little rascal....