these two

it has been crazy to watch these two grow these last few months. and not physically, but emotionally, together. already they have this awesome relationship, which 1) i wasn't expecting this early, and 2) is like, the coolest thing on on the planet to me. hank and i had our kids fairly close together just for that reason - we wanted them to be friends with each other and be there for each other, and i really had no idea that would begin developing this early in their lives.

but it has. and it is so cool.

the boy especially loves his sister. he LIVES for her attention. he is constantly watching her - can't stand to let her out of his sight and his face lights up like you wouldn't believe anytime she comes near him. he loves it when she gets down on his level an plays with him, and cracks up at just about anything she does. she could whack him with a hammer and he would love it. you can see in his eyes that he is just dying to be as mobile as she is and is anxious to run and play with his big sister and do all the things she does. i'm sure it won't take long for him to keep up once he learns how to stand on his own two feet.

as i've thought about it, it makes sense that he watches and needs her so much. she has really been the one constant in his life. she is always around, even if i or his dad are not. she always is. i like that. i hope he always sees her as a constant in his life.

and she is very protective of him. when i drop them off at daycare and one of the other girls comes over to say hi and give him a kiss, beth will immediately start saying, no, that's my hyde. that's my hyde. she tries to soothe when he cries, it's okay baby. it's okay. don't cry, be happy. often times she yells it, just to make sure he hears her over his own screaming. and sometimes she will even come over and pat him on the head. it's very sweet. she LOVES to play mom to him and i think will always be happy being his big sister (and probably use it against him later on...). i love that she has taken it on so naturally - a total 180 from his first month of life. after that rough little spell she has come to totally embrace him and i'm sure, can't remember life without him. i can't either.

it's hard to remember life before either of them. i'm good with that.

off

do you ever go through periods in our life - even just days at a time - where you just feel.... off. not yourself... like, you're going through all the day to day motions and everything around you is normal, but somehow it feels different. and not because your life is different, but just because something about you is different. ....off.

that's me.

for like, the last month.

it's weird. i feel like i've been walking on clouds for a long time now. but like i told hank the other day, i just don't feel like i'm my best me right now. and it's hard, because there's nothing to really pinpoint what it is that's making me feel that way. maybe it's the added work responsibility and the change that comes with it. maybe it's the fact that i'm heavier than i've ever been (without child) and i just don't feel healthy. (i'm not obese or anything people, just not healthy and strong like i should be. and it's really bothering me). maybe it's that i don't sleep super well which changes (read: lowers) my patience level. maybe it's that i feel behind on a lot of things. i don't know. i feel like those are all normal things i would normally be able to handle pretty well. but right now, in these moments, it's just throwing me off and i'm struggling to fix it. i just don't have that lighthearted laugh and outlook on life that i feel like is me and i miss that.

sigh...

am i alone here? does anyone else go through these things?

i know it will go away and that i'll find a way to snap out of it (which i honestly believe 90% of which will come by getting myself feeling good and healthy and find that good energy again). i just gotta work through it. my kids are great and the man is great. my life is great! it's just me. i want to be great too.

okay, enough whining. (right???)


i think i'll go kickbox the crap out of something.

while i was gone

the man warned me. he said, "i just want to prep you - things aren't exactly like you left them 3 days ago" i figured the house was a disaster - i had been gone for a while after all. but no. my assumption was incorrect. he meant the boy wasn't exactly like him when i left.  i came home to find this:




the funny thing was, he posted it on facebook (which i am still holding out on) long before i got home and received a ton of comments from people who obviously know both of us... an no one out there thought to warn me? thanks guys :) i think they figured they'd rather he get the brunt of the inevitably negative reaction than take that on themselves.

honestly, i had to laugh. it's not permanent. and it wasn't beth. and actually, despite missing the first haircut we've ever given either of our kids, i was actually more perplexed at how he managed to keep hyde still long enough to pull it off. then i looked at the back!! well, at least the top was mostly straight :)

i don't when we'll shave it off. i mean, c'mon... it is pretty cute. and if a 6 month old is going to pull off a mohawk, it may as well be mine, right?

my time away

i spent the last few days in florida on a work trip. and while i have to say it was pretty incredible and definitely a luxury trip, i missed my kids and man more than ever and couldn't wait to get home. seriously, the trip was incredible. super motivating - the level at which the people i was surrounded by think and operate on a daily basis is so far beyond me, it was crazy. i just soaked it up and left wanting to reach higher and work toward being... THAT. it was so cool to be there. and it may have helped that i stayed at a beach front property. :) but by friday i was really, really anxious and excited to come home and find my three loves. truly, there is nothing better than coming home to them.




beth both won my heart and lost it tonight with two things...

won:

beth: mom, guess what?

me: what?

beth: (with enthusiastic smile) i love you!

me: you love me?

beth: yeah, i love you!

(and my insides turn to mush...)


lost:

me: beth, can you please take your shoes off and go upstairs to get ready for a bath?

beth: no, mom. i don't want to take my shoes off.

me: beth, take your shoes off please. it's time to go up and take a bath.

beth: no mom. i don't want to talk to you anymore

me: you what? you don't want to talk to me???

beth: yeah. i don't want to talk to you mom.

me: (with giant sigh) you're two beth. you're not allowed to tell me that yet.

(and... i want to cry.)

other than that little episode, it was still a stellar day. we rode our bikes, played outside, got some housework done, went swimming at the lake, and met up with some friends for dinner. today as we drove along the lake's edge with the windows down, beth and i both with our hands out the window feeling the air rush by, i couldn't help but think how happy i was and what a beautiful life i lead.

florida? awesome.       home? untouchable.

summer solstice

oh how i love the summer solstice.... the first official day of summer and the longest day of sunshine of the year. today was nice and cool, unlike the near 100 degree days we've had lately, and after work we spent the evening on a very relaxing leisure bike ride. we finally got a bike trailer for the kids, so we are making use of our awesome craigs list deal.

here are a few pics from beth's first birthday party (2 months ago. yes, i'm that far behind...):

beth and the birthday girl, caroline.











she loved this rocking horse and didn't really want to share with anyone.












and lastly, a couple of hyde and his funny self:








he also attended the party and was clearly entertained... good times had by all.

and now, it's time for bed. it's late.



good night stars. good night air. good night noises everywhere.

4x12

the four of us on our last day in breckenridge, and definitely the nicest too. it was windy most of the time we were there, often bringing on a chill that required a good jacket, but the last day was sunny and warm and gorgeous. i took tons and tons of pictures while in breck... i will try to share some of them here.

beth has mastered two new sayings lately, both of which i find hilarious. she has started saying "sure" to everything, and in perfect context, she knows that it means yes. and somehow the way she says it sounds so incredibly sophisticated - not like the lazies who slur it along with a shrrrr, but she puts emphasis on the "u" in the word and says it so nonchalantly, making her sound so grown up. or like she went to some smooth teach-you-how-to-be-a-lady school or something.

"beth, will you put your shoes on please?"

"sure"

"beth, do you want to take a bath tonight?"

"sure"

"beth will you please eat five more bites before i totally lose it and throw your dinner across the room?"

"sure!"

it cracks me up.

the other phrase is a bit longer. we were driving in the car one day and she suddenly spoke up over our rockin' music with "mom, i'm thinking about it"

"you're what?  you're thinking about it???"

"yeah!"

"ok.... what are you thinking about?"

(long pause)

"i'm thinking about it"

"okay beth. rock on to thinking about it. i'm thinking about it too"


and now she tells me that all the time. where do these kids get this stuff?

i keep reminding hank he has to watch what he says these days....

superman

feels like i went on sabbatical for a while there! it's been a bit nuts around here! with mostly good things. i could write a huge long post about each one, but after reviewing my recent record... probably not a good idea. so here's a quick recap:
- hank is starting a new business called trunk drivers (you can check it out and find him on facebook - i'm sure he would appreciate if you liked him on there too) which is keeping him busy in the evenings. it is set to launch next weekend. yeah trunk drivers!
- took beth to her first birthday party which she really liked, but i still think it was more fun for me than her
- i flew to memphis for a really awesome big national job interview/presentation which i didn't get, but hey, at least i was one of the final three to be considered
- took a promotion within my management company instead which i'm very excited about
- got back from intense memphis trip and left the next day for breckenridge where we met hanks family and spent 4 1/2 perfect days with them
- kids have been horribly sick over the last 10 days, adding to the chaos and broken routine
- still trying to finish editing a photo shoot from forever ago
AND
- i am still unsuccessfully trying to get a solid workout routine in place

i can honestly say that i miss blogging, though, when i don't do it often. i seem to be lacking on the personal time to do that kind of stuff lately, and while that's okay, i still miss going through the pictures and picking which ones i'll put up, and getting a few stories and often random thoughts out there that i just want to say. it's therapeutic for me if i'm honest. and kind of a bummer that it gets put on the back burner at times. but you gotta do what you gotta do. right mamas of the world???

although i have found instagram to be a really good and quick alternative to blogging for sharing pictures and fun things. i would almost call myself an addict. almost...

for tonight, a picture of hyde and his dad playing - appropriately - superman.