the trick

okay, so my last post was kind of a downer. so maybe i was/am going through sort of a grieving period over beth changing and becoming a little more.... stubborn. not the girl i've had the last two years. but life has changed for her too and she's dealing with it. and i get that. but i think i may have found the trick to help.



the last few days i've put hyde in his crib for a couple hours during the day while he naps, rather than let him sleep on the couch or in his bouncy chair. and honestly? it's made a huge difference. when he's there, beth isn't distracted by him (if that's the right word) and she and i have that old Q time again. and i think she likes that. i get a lot more "okay mommy"s than the emphatic "NO" and man, is it music to my ears.

so yesterday while he slept, beth and i made muffins. delicious banana blueberry muffins. we had such a good time. she was so into it and helpful and funny and messy - i loved every minute of it.




after that she was awesome the whole day. more like the beth i better recognize. it was a really, really good day. good for both of us. hyde probably doesn't mind being left alone while he's sleeping either.... ;)

and little miss?

well, she is learning to adjust like the rest of us. i wonder if without her knowing it, it's been the hardest for her. which makes it hard for me. because i still want her to feel special and know that i love her just as much, even though now there's a new kid in town who's stolen another part of my heart.

she's changed a little bit in the last couple of weeks - there is a lot more whining, a lot less listening, definitely some tantrum throwing and suddenly going to bed is like asking her to throw her favorite toy into the mouth of an enormous volcano - she just isn't having it. i'm not sure how much of that is because of hyde and how much of it is just her being two. probably a little bit of both.

she loves hyde and always wants to hold him and play with him. she likes to point out that he has eyes and poke at them or grab his hands and make him dance. innocent and fun, but the poor kid hates it.

so we're still working to find a balance - i try to still spend good quality time with her and praise her when she does good things. but i also find that i'm becoming harder on her when she doesn't. i'm not sure if it's because i'm tired and my patience is thin, or if it's just the natural progression of raising a kid - you discipline more as they act out more. i struggle with this. this has been the hardest part for me.

she is such a good girl. and becoming so dang smart it's unreal. so it kind of sucks to not feel like i have that really good, obedient girl all the time. because i don't. it's just different now. and i know it's just a phase and it will all work itself out. but right now i feel like we're in the thick of it.

sigh....

i just miss her i guess. i miss that Q time with her where we'd laugh and play with zero tears. we still have time together now, i mean, the little man still sleeps a billion hours a day. but she's changed and growing and the tears and struggles come a lot more often. we are all working through it, socks on hands and all...

we found her like this when we checked on her before we went to bed. hilarious, right? and not the first time either...

some pictures of beth and i having a family room picnic the weekend before hyde came:



ps: i'm all for advice right now... give me the best you got. how do i chill out and just roll with it better? am i tripping out over nothing? am i just the crazy hormone lady? anyone?... anyone?

i'm ready for normal... whatever that is

the second time around is every bit as beautiful and fulfilling as the first. the only difference is i knew i could expect that. i had no idea with the first one just how magical bringing life into this world would be. i was overwhelmed by it, and caught off guard at how much i instantly felt for a stranger. my stranger, nonetheless. but this time i knew all that was coming, and i allowed myself to just take it in. and i have. every moment i've had with him so far, i've just breathed him in and tried to tell him soul to soul how happy i am that he's here. it's incredible. even surreal in many ways the first little while. it's awesome. even still, it's a big change.

we've been home from the hospital for a couple of days now, and we're all still kind of trying to find our place. my body is still majorly out of whack - i'd even gotten used to the "normalcy" of being pregnant. beth is slowly learning how to live with a baby in our house (i'm not sure she gets that it's permanent just yet) and our day to day routine just isn't there. everything is a little bit different now. i feel different, and even though my life has been enriched with the addition of our son to our family, it's still a change, and now we are working to find our new rhythm. and it's that part that's the hard part. the transition to the new normal.

i think it wouldn't intimidate me so much (is that even the right word?) if i felt physically good and strong. but i just don't yet. those first couple of days were especially hard and my hormones are kind of going nutso on me. but i'm getting there and each day i feel better and better. but the mental part of it is so much easier when you feel physically ready. so yes, i'm ready for my body to feel normal too.

things will fall in to place soon, i know. the normal we knew before with just beth is gone now, and we're headed to a new place, a new routine, a new normal. a new us. as i was with beth, i am soaking up the newness of hyde and the little miracle that he is. a new life on the earth. a new life in mine. it's amazing to think of where he just came from and i feel so blessed to have a spirit so close to heaven now in my home. but i'm also so excited to watch him grow, see who he'll become, and discover his new found place in our family. i'm excited to find our new normal now that he's a part of it. i'm ready to be there, to fall into it, to feel comfortable there and to love it... whatever that normal will be.


a few favorites from home:

the little man arrives

tuesday morning, 9 am, i'm just getting ready to leave the house to head in to work for a couple hours before going to the hospital at 11, and the phone rings. it's hank.

"hello?"

"answer your phone much?"

"i just finished getting ready... why, what's up?"

"the doctor's been trying to call you - they want to bump us up 30 minutes. he's coming at 12:30 today. we need to be there earlier."

what the...? my already racing, anxious, sleep-deprived mind just started moving even faster. not that 30 minutes is a big deal, and really i was grateful since i hadn't been able to eat anything since midnight and was starving. but it had been a whirlwind of a couple days trying to get things done and ready at work and at home and the culmination of having 30 minutes less time to do those things panicked me a little bit. it also gave me an adrenaline rush at the same time - i was going to get to meet my boy even sooner and i couldn't wait. i grabbed all my things, ran out the door, and let the butterflies take their place in my scrunched stomach. he was coming today!!!!

indeed he did.

at 1:02pm on january 10th, hyde douglas van orden came into the world weighing in at 7lbs, 15 oz. probably the only baby in my whole family to weigh less than 8 pounds! he's as beautiful as ever, healthy, and i think definitely going to be a banner baby. he seems calm and mellow - the docs even commented on his mild temperament during the snipping of his poor little man-parts - and i have loved holding him close to me and just taking him in. i can't think of anything much better than a fresh new babe, just arrived to the earth, all perfect and clean and untainted by the world. man, it's amazing. especially when it's yours. somehow or another that seems to make it exponentially better.

at any rate, here are a few pictures of the hyde-man's first few days of life.




and today we get to go home.

now a family of four.

catch up

so this is going to be a pretty photo-heavy post. just too much to tell you all about and not enough time. so here are some snapshots, a quick look at christmas and some of the other goings on during the last few weeks that kept us busy....



beth was super into it this year, which made it so much fun



the 'rents and mitch came up on christmas day for some christmas dinner, and to exchange a few more gifts. we also got our christmas vacation on - hilarity. pure hilarity.

"eddie?!" "i hope you didn't do this all on our account clark" "eddie?!" surprised?" "if my head was sewn to the carpet i wouldn't be any more surprised than i am right now" oh man, good stuff right there. even beth was into it.



let's see if you can guess from the photos below who was into it the most....



the week after christmas beth and i went down to grandma and grandpa's house and hank went to freeze fest: where a bunch of crazies drive to no where in southern utah and canyoneer through some amazing canyons in the dead of winter. the water in the bottom of those canyons is often frozen and you have to break it in order to swim (yes, swim) through to keep going. hence the FREEZE in freeze fest. he had a good time. it actually looked pretty dang amazing. love that southern utah landscape.





beth got to play in the bubbles at grandma's. she LOVES to play in the water and bubbles. LOVES it.



we made a gingerbread house...



i know, it's amazing...


i got bigger:



nice work on the photo, courtesy of our very own hank van orden


we went and saw the lights at the botanical gardens:



(love that bottom photo)



some of us were lazy:




but all in all it's been an amazing end to a really good year. though it was busy, i was constantly grateful for all that we have. we really have a lot and are so blessed. i'm so excited to see what 2012 will bring to us....

next post: THE arrival (only 2 days away!!!)