i'm ready for normal... whatever that is

the second time around is every bit as beautiful and fulfilling as the first. the only difference is i knew i could expect that. i had no idea with the first one just how magical bringing life into this world would be. i was overwhelmed by it, and caught off guard at how much i instantly felt for a stranger. my stranger, nonetheless. but this time i knew all that was coming, and i allowed myself to just take it in. and i have. every moment i've had with him so far, i've just breathed him in and tried to tell him soul to soul how happy i am that he's here. it's incredible. even surreal in many ways the first little while. it's awesome. even still, it's a big change.

we've been home from the hospital for a couple of days now, and we're all still kind of trying to find our place. my body is still majorly out of whack - i'd even gotten used to the "normalcy" of being pregnant. beth is slowly learning how to live with a baby in our house (i'm not sure she gets that it's permanent just yet) and our day to day routine just isn't there. everything is a little bit different now. i feel different, and even though my life has been enriched with the addition of our son to our family, it's still a change, and now we are working to find our new rhythm. and it's that part that's the hard part. the transition to the new normal.

i think it wouldn't intimidate me so much (is that even the right word?) if i felt physically good and strong. but i just don't yet. those first couple of days were especially hard and my hormones are kind of going nutso on me. but i'm getting there and each day i feel better and better. but the mental part of it is so much easier when you feel physically ready. so yes, i'm ready for my body to feel normal too.

things will fall in to place soon, i know. the normal we knew before with just beth is gone now, and we're headed to a new place, a new routine, a new normal. a new us. as i was with beth, i am soaking up the newness of hyde and the little miracle that he is. a new life on the earth. a new life in mine. it's amazing to think of where he just came from and i feel so blessed to have a spirit so close to heaven now in my home. but i'm also so excited to watch him grow, see who he'll become, and discover his new found place in our family. i'm excited to find our new normal now that he's a part of it. i'm ready to be there, to fall into it, to feel comfortable there and to love it... whatever that normal will be.


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