as she sleeps

i don't know what it was, but i could have stared at her all night. in the few moments i sat on her bed just taking her in, i kept seeing her childhood disappear before me... a child who constantly wants to play with, help, snuggle with, love and be near me. i am worried that these days of innocence and (somewhat) dependence will flee far faster than i am ready for and tonight i so desperately wanted her to stay just as she is right now forever.

i try to take it all in stride - it's true what they say, that kids just get better and better as they get older and that's proven to be true with mine as well. watching her grow has been amazing. surreal. so deeply rewarding. and of course it's all a part of life. but the reality is that i fear there will come a day when she doesn't love me as much as she does now, or that she will find friends to take my place in our hide and seek games, or that she won't need me anymore when i will so much still need her.

in this moment, while i sat and stared at this little girl before me, i would have given anything for time to stop and hold still. for just a little while longer.