these two

it has been crazy to watch these two grow these last few months. and not physically, but emotionally, together. already they have this awesome relationship, which 1) i wasn't expecting this early, and 2) is like, the coolest thing on on the planet to me. hank and i had our kids fairly close together just for that reason - we wanted them to be friends with each other and be there for each other, and i really had no idea that would begin developing this early in their lives.

but it has. and it is so cool.

the boy especially loves his sister. he LIVES for her attention. he is constantly watching her - can't stand to let her out of his sight and his face lights up like you wouldn't believe anytime she comes near him. he loves it when she gets down on his level an plays with him, and cracks up at just about anything she does. she could whack him with a hammer and he would love it. you can see in his eyes that he is just dying to be as mobile as she is and is anxious to run and play with his big sister and do all the things she does. i'm sure it won't take long for him to keep up once he learns how to stand on his own two feet.

as i've thought about it, it makes sense that he watches and needs her so much. she has really been the one constant in his life. she is always around, even if i or his dad are not. she always is. i like that. i hope he always sees her as a constant in his life.

and she is very protective of him. when i drop them off at daycare and one of the other girls comes over to say hi and give him a kiss, beth will immediately start saying, no, that's my hyde. that's my hyde. she tries to soothe when he cries, it's okay baby. it's okay. don't cry, be happy. often times she yells it, just to make sure he hears her over his own screaming. and sometimes she will even come over and pat him on the head. it's very sweet. she LOVES to play mom to him and i think will always be happy being his big sister (and probably use it against him later on...). i love that she has taken it on so naturally - a total 180 from his first month of life. after that rough little spell she has come to totally embrace him and i'm sure, can't remember life without him. i can't either.

it's hard to remember life before either of them. i'm good with that.

off

do you ever go through periods in our life - even just days at a time - where you just feel.... off. not yourself... like, you're going through all the day to day motions and everything around you is normal, but somehow it feels different. and not because your life is different, but just because something about you is different. ....off.

that's me.

for like, the last month.

it's weird. i feel like i've been walking on clouds for a long time now. but like i told hank the other day, i just don't feel like i'm my best me right now. and it's hard, because there's nothing to really pinpoint what it is that's making me feel that way. maybe it's the added work responsibility and the change that comes with it. maybe it's the fact that i'm heavier than i've ever been (without child) and i just don't feel healthy. (i'm not obese or anything people, just not healthy and strong like i should be. and it's really bothering me). maybe it's that i don't sleep super well which changes (read: lowers) my patience level. maybe it's that i feel behind on a lot of things. i don't know. i feel like those are all normal things i would normally be able to handle pretty well. but right now, in these moments, it's just throwing me off and i'm struggling to fix it. i just don't have that lighthearted laugh and outlook on life that i feel like is me and i miss that.

sigh...

am i alone here? does anyone else go through these things?

i know it will go away and that i'll find a way to snap out of it (which i honestly believe 90% of which will come by getting myself feeling good and healthy and find that good energy again). i just gotta work through it. my kids are great and the man is great. my life is great! it's just me. i want to be great too.

okay, enough whining. (right???)


i think i'll go kickbox the crap out of something.

while i was gone

the man warned me. he said, "i just want to prep you - things aren't exactly like you left them 3 days ago" i figured the house was a disaster - i had been gone for a while after all. but no. my assumption was incorrect. he meant the boy wasn't exactly like him when i left.  i came home to find this:




the funny thing was, he posted it on facebook (which i am still holding out on) long before i got home and received a ton of comments from people who obviously know both of us... an no one out there thought to warn me? thanks guys :) i think they figured they'd rather he get the brunt of the inevitably negative reaction than take that on themselves.

honestly, i had to laugh. it's not permanent. and it wasn't beth. and actually, despite missing the first haircut we've ever given either of our kids, i was actually more perplexed at how he managed to keep hyde still long enough to pull it off. then i looked at the back!! well, at least the top was mostly straight :)

i don't when we'll shave it off. i mean, c'mon... it is pretty cute. and if a 6 month old is going to pull off a mohawk, it may as well be mine, right?