ages

it has literally been ages since my last post. it seems like i said that a lot with each post before this most recent bout of radio silence. i find that i'm more exhausted these days and at the end of the day would rather do something more mindless like watch an hour of tv before bed than try to gather my thoughts and put them into words. as i dissect our days and analyze my kids and mother/parenthood and myself and the life that we are creating, it seems to take so much energy to get it all figured out in such a way that i can write it in a somewhat eloquent manner - that doesn't come all that naturally for me so it takes a bit of work and brainpower. brainpower that i feel i no longer have at the end of the day. so i usually opt for an episode or two of seinfeld reruns instead. nevertheless, i have made the resolve to start posting more often again. as the man recently told me, these blog posts have a lot bigger value than just being blog posts. they're a journal too. and there's so much in these last seven months that i have missed writing about. i've used instagram as a poor fill-in, but i don't insert all the goings-on of my head and details of the funny stuff there like i used to here. so back it again we go, even though no one else is really doing it anymore and it seems a bit out of date. i don't care too much - i do this more for me than anything else.

so now, where to begin...

we've gone through several phases over the last few months. phases of stellar-ness and not so stellar, getting along super well and not so much, phases of i'm a great mom with a lot of patience and some with none at all (you can guess which goes with which of the aforementioned). and looking back, more than anything the kids all seem to have grown so much. they have grown so much and there is so much to learn and fun to be had and new ways of handling things with each one.




beth finished her first year of preschool and to me she gets prettier and prettier everyday. she's got an attitude to go with it that i am struggling to tame, but when she's good and fun she's off the charts good and fun. i love spending one on one time with her because we laugh and talk and play like old friends - it's weird - who knew i would want to do that with a four year old. but i do. she loves, loves, LOVES to play and help with her baby sister and is always asking for another one. she's getting really good and being self-entertained which almost had to happen and half of the time she's really good at playing with hyde. this is one of those things that comes and goes in phases: sometimes they're great and other times i have to tell them to stop even looking at each other and wish they lived in separate rooms for the day. it really is ridiculous.

but she loves to play outside, would swim all day if i let her, and is super social and likes to play pretend with all kinds of scenarios. aside from the ultra dramatic side of this girl that causes me to roll my eyes 732 times a day, i wouldn't change a single thing about her. she's a really good, wants-to-please kid. tonight she even said sorry to me when i tucked her into bed for not eating her dinner. i was proud of her. oh and the latest is that she now refers to herself in the past as "when i was a little kid..." ha! it's really quite comical.

she always tells me to tell her "don't smile" when i'm taking her picture, which makes her crack up, so of course i do it...

these are from her last day of school:



one of the things i love most about her right now is that she is always telling me that she wants to be a "mommy lindsay" when she grows up and asks me when she will be one. she doesn't want to be a mommy beth, she wants to be a mommy lindsay. trust me, i reassure her that she definitely wants to be mommy beth because mommy lindsay sure doesn't have this mommy thing down just yet, but she insists. i'm proud that she wants to be a mom and super glad that all my yelling hasn't gotten to her and that she perceives motherhood to be all roses. i'm letting that ride as long as i can!




and this kid...



well, he's just a giant ball of hilarious energy wrapped up in a little surfer-like two year old body. he is so active and adventurous and daring (although very recently become really scared/obsessed with bugs which seems kind of in left field for him, but whatever), and he is constantly saying "mom, look at me!" with each and every new trick he does which usually involves climbing some sort of something and getting to the top where he can put his hands way up in the air and play king of the world. then, of course, he jumps off. he has excellent manners and is much better at sharing and taking turns than his big sister, but he is also hitting that really awesome stage of throwing body flinging tantrums and testing his limits with the word NO. he gets super grumpy and unreasonable when he's hungry but after a bite or two of food (if i can get him to take one at that point) he's up and running like a regular champ. but it's usually pretty imperative that i feed him before he hits that stage of hungry crankiness or it makes for an ugly hour or so. for both of us really.

but man, he is funny. most of my laughing moments stem from this kid and i can't express how much i appreciate his light-hearted approach to life. i know, what else would it be at this age? but truly, he's got such a great energy about him that i just adore. he still likes to sit close to me and cuddle when we read books and watch a movie and i soak that up to the fullest i can. but my favorite is his laugh. this kid has the greatest, from-the-belly but still so light and genuine laugh... it's one of those that you can't help but smile and begin laughing with him, even if he is laughing about smearing nutella all over himself and the surrounding kitchen walls. it's impossible not to love him.

and his hair. i am in straight up love with those blonde curls of his. i can't bear to cut them off, even though the routine is usually to maintain a buzz cut during the summer. we did trim it just a tiny bit recently to give him some more viewing space (it was hanging down quite a bit in his eyes), but i just know that if i buzz it all off the curls will be gone forever. and i'm not ready for that yet. before he was born and i had visions, if you will, of my little boy, this is EXACTLY what i pictured. like, to the T. this exact age, that exact smile, and that exact hair. so i'm having a hard time letting it go. i want to hold on to this stage forever since i feel like i'm now living the dream i dreamed of him before he graced with his presence. it can't last forever, i realize. but i can hold on for just a little while more.

(mostly) through the kitchen window:




#3. #3 has decided to really come out of her shell the last couple of months. feisty. that's the exact word i would use to describe this one. she is super cool until you take something away that she either wants or has. then it's all over. she's a beauty no doubt, and she is so funny and is starting to understand words and communicate some (she is getting really good at signing!), which is awesome. but she can throw tantrums with the best of them. most of the time hank and i just laugh. we're way over the scariness and drama of them (by #3 we're feeling very experienced) and now we just laugh and let her have at it. which usually means it only lasts for a minute or two until she realizes it's not getting her anywhere and then it's done and we all move on. quite comical really. she still has no teeth (at 14 months!) and likes to stand on her own and walk along things, but still doesn't feel the need to venture out on her own two feet by herself yet. she is incredibly skilled at her gorilla like crawl/scoot/thing and can actually move really fast and loves to be chased and tease you by laughing as she scoots away at the speed of light whenever you call her to come here, but at the same time now that it's summer and we're outside 80% of the time i kind of wish she would get up off the ground. her poor left leg is always getting scratched up and the left butt cheek of all of her shorts and bottoms are stained and messy. it's cute and all, but at this point i'm like, get up on your feet girl! save yourself the pain! she'll find her way in time.

and she looooooves her daddy. she gets really mad when he walks in the door after work and doesn't say hello to her in the first 10 seconds. when she's mad she prefers to be by him and she loves to give him these sweet hugs at his request. it's incredibly heart melting. she and i get along just fine, but she's definitely a daddy's girl and he eats it up. i love to watch the two of them interact, it's awesome.

here's to my little leah:






well, that sums it up i guess. i'm trying to do a better job of getting the camera out and getting shots of the kids and getting out of this slump f not remembering or thinking about it, or thinking i'll have time to do anything with them. i love having these pictures of my kids - i just need to get out there and do it so that i can do this more often.

out for now.