the craziest/coolest thing

so the other day i found a package on my porch. it was addressed to hyde. it was a fairly good sized package. certainly this package wasn't just a nice card and a cute outfit. some thought had gone into this one. i thought to myself, sweet! can't wait to see what's inside for the little man! i wonder who sent it...

the return address was from a person and place i'd never heard of before. that's interesting, i thought. and even more fun with a hint of dangerous... mmm, mystery package! so i opened the box, pushed the wrapped contents aside to look for a card, anything that might give me a clue as to where this package had come from. but my search left me empty handed. no card. no note. no nothing.

i carefully unwrapped a portion of the contents to find blocks. big wooden blocks with brightly colored numbers on them. blocks that were way to big to be played with by little hands. i was thoroughly confused (and also glad it wasn't a bomb). so what to do with these cool colored blocks... decoration perhaps? okay, a cute decoration to put in his room.

and then i found a card. a business card from the maker of the blocks which showed a picture of them in use. they are meant be used in photos to keep track of ages and stages. oh man, this is GENIUS! i thought. total genius and so dang cute!!! but still, the card was generic and offered only the name of the company who made them. all i could think of was how in the world did these people just find out i had boy named hyde? do they randomly call hospitals all over the country and ask for someone born on a random day and then send a gift? how did they know i would take a bazillion photos of my children and die for this gift? who do i know in... wherever, Ohio... no one! this doesn't make any sense! does hyde already have a stalker? was i chosen as a winner in a drawing someone so kindly entered me in? confusion coupled with immediate brainstorming of the best set up i could create to use the blocks as soon as possible completely took over my mind for the next 30 seconds until it became just the brainstorming part. i again searched for additional information in/on/around the box that would tell me why we had received such a wonderful gift.

to this day friends i still don't have the answer. but i sure am happy that this "random" gift addressed to exactly hyde van orden at exactly our street address exactly 3 weeks after he was born showed up that day. i mean, come on... they're perfect. almost as perfect as the kid.

today is my birthday

and i'm on top of the world. after a very good (and quick) trip to new orleans...

i am happy to home with my family again. there is honestly nothing i want more than to just hang out with them and spend the day together. that would just top off my week perfectly.

so i've been thinking a lot since my time off at home about how this year is going to go, and i have to say i'm excited for it. already the first month has proven to be so fulfilling and it has me stoked for the coming 11 months. i kind of have this mantra that i've started to go by - mostly things i want to do for myself, some of it is for other people.




smile more is for me. so simple, yet so effective for me. this one is to help me remember to lighten up and laugh more often. as i've implemented this already i feel a difference in my attitude, in my energy and in the well being of my mental health. i am happier. i laugh more. and it's a good reminder to not sweat the small stuff, but to take it stride and laugh at things that could otherwise just cause me stress or frustration. i find myself in a much better mood when i remember to smile more. i love this one.

take more is also for me. this year i want to take more pictures, both professionally and personally. and personally i'm mostly thinking of our everyday life at home. that's the stuff i want to remember forever. time goes by so fast and it seems like i am constantly wanting to make it stop and hold on to every phase beth (and now hyde) are in. there's no better way to do that than with pictures. so i've resolved to taking more so i can hang on to our life and the sometimes simple, sometimes complicated moments that make it up.

do more is for me too. ever seen the movie yes man? that's kind of what i'm after here. i want to do more, get out more, see more, experience more, the whole bit. because that's what keeps me sane. i want to live outside and make sure my kids know how to live outside and learn to love it as much as i do. making a conscious effort to do more will bring a little more life and fulfillment to my soul and i think that's healthy. i think it's okay to take the time to do more for me.

be more is for everyone else. i really want to be more as a wife and a mother. i want to be more patient, be more open, be more active, more selfless, more personal, a better friend. i don't want to be lazy about it. and not that i'm trying to be wonder woman or anything, just that i think i can be better than what i am now in so many senses. so for everyone else, yes, i want to be more.

so that's it friends. that's my mantra. smile more, take more, do more, be more. i like that when i've thought about one of these in any given situation it's already made a difference. it changes my course of action and it's almost always for the better. it's awesome.

yes friends, i think it's going to be a good year. a good 31st year for me. we're on the right track so far, and i'm diggin it.

and now, i'm going to go play in the snow with my kids. a stellar day indeed.

our venture to steamboat

so we made it. snow packed/icy roads and all. only took an extra 30 minutes too. we love our explorer. it takes us anywhere our little hearts desire to go. it's awesome. and coming back was a breeze, and beautiful with all the fresh fallen snow i might add. both kids slept the whole way coming back, which made for some seriously good bonding time for me and the man. i'm sure he'll agree, i'm just sure of it...

we arrived to the hotel friday night and because of our awesomeness were upgraded to a suite. saweeeet! started our time there off just right. and we made big plans for saturday we did. hank went skiing in the morning while me and kids checked out the shops downtown. then we all went back and took some much needed naps before going out to the snowy hill to go.... TUBING! we were so excited and kept telling beth that we were going to play in the snow. well, we drove out to the first place, found out that you HAD to have a reservation (which we didn't) and that they didn't have any more room for that night. so we resort to plan B: tubing place #2. call them to find out what the story is, and as it turns out, they're going to close their hill down in 30 minutes. it's also a 30 minute drive from where we are. hill #2? out. so... tubing was a total bust. and we were all so disappointed. beth kept asking and asking to play in the snow, and being the stellar parents that we are, we attempted to keep our promise, so we resorted to playing in a park with snow that felt like it had been there for 4 years. our version of playing in the snow:



it was especially fun for they hyde-man.


okay, it was pretty much super lame, but beth seemed to like it, even if it was rock solid. she just liked to get outside i think. and has been asking to play in the snow everyday ever since. we have much fresher, softer snow here at home, so it works out good for her.

after playing the snow we hit up the hot springs and beth and hank swam their little hearts out.




hyde and i are both still a little too fresh off the boat to hit up the hot springs. next time though, next time...


one hot dinner at a sketchy mexican restaurant later we were back at the hotel and ready to crash. we rented a movie and all laid down, hoping beth would crash in the first 5 seconds. but no. of course not. of course she stayed up for the whole thing even though she was EXHAUSTED. meh, we were on vacation. who cares if our almost-two year old stays up until 11. big deal.

then back on sunday in time for the superbowl (go giants!) a really stellar weekend it was. and we plan to go back, few times in the near future.

tomorrow i am headed to new orleans for a quick overnight. my first time to new orleans. can't wait to check out the big easy....

OMG

this kid gave me 5 and half hours of sleep last night. holy canoly! it's amazing when 5 straight hours of sleep brings this much excitement. is that sad? just motherhood, i suppose. and i am totally calling it a fluke. i fully understand that i got lucky. but still... i rejoiced. it was awesome to wake up and realize that it had been 5 hours since he last needed to eat. i let out a huge sigh and smiled just as big.




and now, we're off to steamboat springs for an early birthday celebration. roads may be hazardous and i may never come back. but we are going. it's going to feel really, really good to get out of the house for a bit.

full report to come...

4x12

our first real 4x12. taken the weekend we came home as a foursome. i look phenomenal, i know. and clearly beth is really stoked to be a part of it. actually, her facial expression is probably a pretty good indicator of her attitude this month. though i will give her credit - she's gotten much better. those first couple weeks were rough, not gonna lie. but she's mellowed out a bit now and back to her old sweet and generally obedient self again. generally. :)

yes friends, i believe we've come into our own. after three weeks with the little man finally here, it really feels good and natural and easy to have added him to the family. with a few tweaks here and there i think we've all found our place and our rhythm as a family of four. and it's glorious!

hyde is so great and mellow. well, so far, i'll say. he doesn't cry much - just when needs to be moved a little bit, or when he's getting a bath. still doesn't love that yet. but we're working on it. he also doesn't sleep quite as long as beth did during the night - he's pretty consistent on the 3 hour meal plan (sometimes less). so we have to wake up to eat about 3 times in the night, but somehow i'm okay with it. i'm managing and even though i should be, i don't feel exhausted or crazy tired the next day like i'd expect. i consider that miraculous.

it's still kind of weird think that i have two kids. to say that i am the parent of children. but the awkwardness of that is also wearing away quickly and i can tell that i'm rapidly getting to that point where it feels like he's always been here. like we've always had two kids. i like that i'm getting there.

he hit 3 weeks yesterday and i can't believe it. i can't believe i haven't been at work for nearly a month - it goes by so much faster than i want it to... for now i'm just soaking it up though. i figuring it out. how to take care of and manage two and be the kind of mom i want to be for both of them. that's still a work in progress, but i have to say i love being a mom. seriously. i LOVE being a mom. greatest thing ever.

the trick

okay, so my last post was kind of a downer. so maybe i was/am going through sort of a grieving period over beth changing and becoming a little more.... stubborn. not the girl i've had the last two years. but life has changed for her too and she's dealing with it. and i get that. but i think i may have found the trick to help.



the last few days i've put hyde in his crib for a couple hours during the day while he naps, rather than let him sleep on the couch or in his bouncy chair. and honestly? it's made a huge difference. when he's there, beth isn't distracted by him (if that's the right word) and she and i have that old Q time again. and i think she likes that. i get a lot more "okay mommy"s than the emphatic "NO" and man, is it music to my ears.

so yesterday while he slept, beth and i made muffins. delicious banana blueberry muffins. we had such a good time. she was so into it and helpful and funny and messy - i loved every minute of it.




after that she was awesome the whole day. more like the beth i better recognize. it was a really, really good day. good for both of us. hyde probably doesn't mind being left alone while he's sleeping either.... ;)

and little miss?

well, she is learning to adjust like the rest of us. i wonder if without her knowing it, it's been the hardest for her. which makes it hard for me. because i still want her to feel special and know that i love her just as much, even though now there's a new kid in town who's stolen another part of my heart.

she's changed a little bit in the last couple of weeks - there is a lot more whining, a lot less listening, definitely some tantrum throwing and suddenly going to bed is like asking her to throw her favorite toy into the mouth of an enormous volcano - she just isn't having it. i'm not sure how much of that is because of hyde and how much of it is just her being two. probably a little bit of both.

she loves hyde and always wants to hold him and play with him. she likes to point out that he has eyes and poke at them or grab his hands and make him dance. innocent and fun, but the poor kid hates it.

so we're still working to find a balance - i try to still spend good quality time with her and praise her when she does good things. but i also find that i'm becoming harder on her when she doesn't. i'm not sure if it's because i'm tired and my patience is thin, or if it's just the natural progression of raising a kid - you discipline more as they act out more. i struggle with this. this has been the hardest part for me.

she is such a good girl. and becoming so dang smart it's unreal. so it kind of sucks to not feel like i have that really good, obedient girl all the time. because i don't. it's just different now. and i know it's just a phase and it will all work itself out. but right now i feel like we're in the thick of it.

sigh....

i just miss her i guess. i miss that Q time with her where we'd laugh and play with zero tears. we still have time together now, i mean, the little man still sleeps a billion hours a day. but she's changed and growing and the tears and struggles come a lot more often. we are all working through it, socks on hands and all...

we found her like this when we checked on her before we went to bed. hilarious, right? and not the first time either...

some pictures of beth and i having a family room picnic the weekend before hyde came:



ps: i'm all for advice right now... give me the best you got. how do i chill out and just roll with it better? am i tripping out over nothing? am i just the crazy hormone lady? anyone?... anyone?