3x12... and some other stuff

alright, so i don't get blogger of the year award. it's been busy, ok? A LOT going on the last couple of weeks, with the holidays and training a new assistant and trying to finish up 3 photo sessions and getting ready for a baby boy and all.... sorry for my absence friends. here is a (sort of lengthy) update on us:

first, our december 3x12: we come full circle




almost exactly a year ago i posted a similar picture of the three of us lying around in bed on a saturday morning - it was our routine then. and our latest routine nearly mirrors that. only now it's pretty much every morning, not just the weekends. when beth wakes up (still around 6:30am, hardly ever later), she comes and knocks on our door. rarely have either of us gotten up for the day yet, so we let her lay in bed with us, and not long after she'll ask to watch a moomie. translation: movie. so we turn one one for her and let it entertain her for a bit while we get ready for the day, and until it's time to get her dressed for the day. we don't have very many kid movies, so we rotate between about 3 moomies every day. although this last month i did throw charlie brown's christmas into the mix, which was a huge hit. it made me happy. so this is us, typical us, on such a morning. with the holidays and a bit of time off work, we could lay around a little longer than usual, and i could get some decent light in the room. normally it's still dark out when she comes in. (thank goodness we're on the upside of winter solstice!!!). so full circle, yes. for the next 9 days anyway. speaking of....

an update on the little man: we've decided to c-section this kid out. i mean, let's just do this already! after a lot of going back and forth and trying to determine if a VBAC was worth the shot, we think in the long run it will be better to go for the sure shot and cut him out. i really wrestled with this one - for some reason it really weighed on me which route to take. but my dear sister put things in good perspective for me when she said (in summary) that it really doesn't matter how these new lives come into the world, even if we do have this "vision" of what we think it's supposed to be, or has to be. what matters is that we get them here safe and healthy. that's what's really important.... and she's totally right. there are pros and cons to each. but after talking with the doc about it (on many occasion) and seeing the last ultrasound, we decided to just schedule his entrance into the world via c-section and call it a day. so we're meeting with the doc that's going to do it on monday the 9th and will show up for our drive thru baby on.... (drumroll please....) tuesday january 10th!!! no big deal you guys. just another kid i'm responsible for. starting exactly on january 10th. no seriously, i totally got this. GULP. but seriously, so, so very excited for him to come. we focused ourselves this weekend and got a lot checked off the list of things that needed to get done, bought, or ready to go before he enters our lives and humble home. i feel so much less stress about it. i feel ready. just a couple more things to do, but it isn't much, and i would feel comfortable bringing him home right in this moment, where i couldn't have said that just a few days ago. but now i'm ready. we're ready. and so excited. that's nine days away!!!!!!! you and me little man...

so that's the biggest news. there is still so much more to tell about the last couple weeks. but i'll save that for another post - tomorrow perhaps...?

i've also been thinking about what i will bring in with the new year. i did pretty good with last year's list... for now, here is the start to this year's list of resolves:

document more of our regular daily lives. not just the big stuff, the events, but the little things that fill our time and lives. that is, after all, most of who we are.

live with the spirit more present in my life, particularly so that i can be a better wife and mom.

really work on my photography: both my skill set, and as an entrepreneur.

laugh more often and let the little things go. sometimes i get caught up in things that don't matter. this year i'm going to try to keep perspective, and make sure my life and the lives of those involved in mine are better, happier and just, full. that's what matters.

and lastly (for now), work to find that balance between wife, mom, and me. the trickiest one of all i suppose. but oh so necessary. if i feel balanced, i think all the rest of these will fall into place. i'm kind of banking on it.

more pictures and stories from the last two weeks to come....

you would think it was christmas morning.... but it wasn't.

this little rascal seems to wake up earlier and earlier every dang day. this morning she was up and ready to go at 5:30am. 5:30am!!! seriously?! yep, seriously. she was knocking at our door, so we told her to go back to bed. and she went, crying all the way, but at least she went, and 10 minutes later was back again. once she's knocking on the door, it means she's been awake for a while and is up for the day. no going back to sleep. honestly.... it's like, all of a sudden with this new bed, she can miraculously run off 3 or 4 hours less sleep each day. she goes to bed later, she wakes up earlier than ever, AND if i'm lucky, i'll get an hour and half nap out of her during the day. where she used to go to bed at 7:30 and wake up at 7:30 with a 2-3 hour nap during the day, now we're asleep by 8:30, awake and ready to go by 6:30 (or earlier) and an hour nap in the middle. what the heck happened? she's still great about staying in bed and sleeping all the way through the night no problem - i'll give her credit, but i have to say, i kind of miss those longer naps and earlier nights. somehow that all changed, literally overnight.

5:30am.... little rascal.


enjoying breakfast this morning before leaving for the day. we may as well, since we've been UP FOR 2 HOURS ALREADY...!

MIGHTS!!!!!!

that's beth for "LIGHTS!!!!"

she.goes.nuts. over them. it's hilarious! and has made our short drive home from work/daycare so much more interesting. to the point where she'll see lights on a house three streets away and yell "mights!"

so we often take the long way home and drive around the neighborhood, stopping in front of various houses that have dancing lights or moving reindeer or snowmen or an inflatable santa, and with her hands and nose pressed to the window, beth will point and say "whoaaaaa, mights!" while i sit in the drivers seat and gleefully egg it on with a giant smile on my face. i love that she loves it so much and is so entertained. and as we drive away she'll say "bye mights, bye mights" and wave her hand to wish them farewell. and not 3 seconds later is she squealing again and begging me to drive on. we've driven by the same houses day after day - with the occasional detour - and her excited level reaches a solid 9 every time. it's awesome.

it's funny... she saw an inflatable santa on the top of a shelf in a store aisle once a few weeks back and not knowing what it was she pointed to it and said "mommy, mommy!" so i explained that it was santa and we went about our shopping. three or four days later we saw another santa on a balloon or something totally random and she yelled, "mommy! santa!" and from then on she has pointed out every santa she can find or see. it's like she was born believing in christmas. girl after my own heart. we are having such a good time with it - i think it's awesome that she's so into it when she really doesn't have a clue what it all means or what's happening. it's like she innately feels the spirit of christmas and just knows that it means something good. do you think that's possible?

next weekend we're going down to the zoo to look at the zoo lights and i honestly can't wait to go. i can't wait to see her expression and watch her be surrounded by thousands and thousands of lights.

on another note, we're down to 5 weeks people. 5 weeks! went to the doc today, everything is feeling and sounding good. we have an ultrasound scheduled for the 28th to see if we can guess how big this kid is going to be when he comes out and if a natural birth is in my future. they told me if i go easy on the carbs and sugar it might help him from getting too fat. bad time of year to be telling me that doc. don't you know 'tis the season to eat your brains out???? sheesh. anyway, i'll be sure to share the pictures.

MIGHTS!!!!!

golden

and this, my friends, is the sweet sight of success. after 8 days of learning, of the up and down, the interrupted nights, the getting past my fear of her rolling off the bed in spite of the rail guard, the late nights and long days, we finally made it. she goes to bed when it's time for bed, we no longer have to tell her to get back into bed, and she will put herself to sleep, just as she used to in her crib without a peep to be heard. it's amazing. or AMAZEBALLS as some i know like to put it. the only downfall is that she wakes up at 6:45 or 7am everyday, and comes into our room, now that she doesn't have to wait for us to get her. it's like clockwork, i tell you. no matter what time she goes to sleep, it's a guarantee that we'll get a knock at our door, or a small "mommy" that calls out in the wee hours of the morning. she used to sleep in some days. but nope, not anymore. clockwork. 7am everyday. but i'll take it if it means that bedtime is easy and not so much a struggle and we can all get a good nights sleep. i'm still not sure if we should take any credit (maybe we did something right?), or if she is just innately THAT GOOD. i tend to think it's the latter. i'm not getting my hopes up for the second one. well, maybe just a little bit...

3x12

so grateful. so grateful for my good life and what i have. because i really do have it good. i'm grateful for a lot of things, but top 3 things i'm grateful for? here they are:

hank. the man. THE man. i'm grateful for him stepping up the plate and being there when i need him most. i'm grateful for his input, for our conversations, and for his help when i'm wrestling with a problem. i love his big arms that wrap around me and pull me close, making me feel safe from anything that might eat me alive. i'm grateful for how hard he works, and he does work hard to provide for us and give our little family such a wonderful and happy life. i'm grateful for the good dad that he is, and the way he plays with beth and obliges to her requests to dance or do things he probably never thought he'd do. but for his kid, he will. he'll do anything. he's an amazing dad and husband. love that guy.

beth. i fell in love with her all over again last week after taking the week off and being able to spend every second of every day with her. she is such a blast right now. we can actually communicate! (i'm incredibly grateful for communication.) we understand each other. she is learning and saying new words all the time, and it's like she turned into a little girl overnight. i'm grateful for her smile, for her cuddles, for the fact that she loves to be with me as much as i love to be with her, for her playfulness, and for her innately good heart. she loves to please, loves to laugh and tease, and be a part of everything that's going on. i'm grateful for our loud, funny moments and i'm grateful for our quiet ones. tonight as we were cuddling just before tucking her into bed (total success, by the way - we are golden), she whispered "knuckles" to me and held out her fist for me to hit back. she never moved her head from my shoulder as we knocked fists. i love moments like these and try so hard to permanently etch them in my mind. this girl is the light of my life. i am grateful for what she has brought and added to my soul.

and lastly, the new guy. i'm so excited and so ready for him to come. i can't imagine my heart being any more full, and worry that it's going to be split in half when he comes, but people tell me that your love just grows, it doesn't get taken away from one to go to another. that whole notion does nothing but get me stoked. i can hardly wait, and i'm so grateful that we've been blessed to have this little guy be a part of our family. i'm grateful that we've been entrusted with another one, and anxious for his arrival and the joy i know that will come with it.

it was good month. a good month to reflect on blessings and realize just how lucky we are and how good we have it. the perfect way to open up the holiday season - the happiest and most selfless time of year. hooray for these wonderful holidays!

update

night 1: seamless. amazing. didn't get up. didn't hear from her once. at all. it was incredible. wasn't sure if we just got lucky, or if we actually did something right.

night 2: she figured out that we couldn't just put her in her crib and leave. therefore, she was super hyper, wanted to play all night, and didn't go down until 10:30. (she usually goes down at 7:30). DESPITE, once she went down, we didn't hear from her all night, and though the night was quite short for her, i'm just grateful that she slept all the way through. she was, however, really tired and cranky the next day.

night 3: somewhat better, but by default i think. after a long, busy day, she fell asleep on the way home from my parents house at 8:30, and let me transfer her from the car to the bed without waking up. again, we were all lucky enough to sleep through the night with zero interruption. i was starting to get excited that we were onto something.

night 4: COMPLETE DISASTER. went down and stayed down after getting up just once (improvement at least); however, an hour after hank and i went to bed we heard her outside our door, trying to get in and then crying after not being successful. hank changed her diaper and back to bed she went.... for a little while. then she was back at our door, trying to get in. can't remember who got up with her that time, since it happened 6 MORE TIMES AFTER THAT! none of us got any sleep that night. it was stellar. and a perfect way to kick off our thanksgiving. NOT. it seemed we were just going farther and farther backwards and i was actually considering giving her the paci again, to let it do just that: pacify so i could get a little shut eye. i held strong though, and didn't give in. i was very nervous about night #5.

night 5: fantastic. went to bed, didn't get up once, slept all the way through the night. after the previous night, it was AMAZEBALLS. i was so grateful. SO grateful, you have no idea. i even went to bed at 9:00 as a precautionary measure in case were were going to have a repeat of the night before. that would have allowed me at least 3 hours of sleep before doing it all over again. that, and i was just that tired. but it wasn't a repeat. she didn't get up once. it was glorious.

night 6: well, the jury's still out. but so far so good. didn't get up after putting her down, and two hours later, she's still sleeping soundly. so i'm praying that it's finally caught on. i really hope so. i'm running out of nights where i can afford even shorter sleeping time before going back to work. tonight, i'm optimistic....

this is huge

HUGE.

it's been 45 minutes since i put beth down for bed, and i haven't heard a thing since. not a peep, not a move, not a cry, not anything.

this is normal for her - she usually goes down with no problem and puts herself to sleep just fine. but tonight, i expected trouble.

explanation: last night was our last night in this:

and tonight, our first night in a big girl bed. (insert panicked deep breaths here)

we've been blessed with this girl and her sleeping habits, let me tell you. it's been a dream. sleeping through the night at 6 weeks, able to put herself to sleep without needing to be rocked by 10 weeks, and ever since has we've been able to just put her in her crib, and whether she's tired or not plays no role as she'll eventually just fall asleep when she's ready without making a sound.

but i didn't have my hopes up that tonight would be that easy. i'm still holding my breath... (been an hour now, though), and knocking on wood that i haven't jinxed it by posting this. not to mention we also put her to bed without the paci - another first. we figured we'd try killing two birds with one stone. (holding, holding) ...ask me again how it went in the morning.

but it was time. the little man is going to need the crib, and rather than wait until he comes to take it from her, i'd rather she be all settled in that new bed of hers for a couple months. so it worked out that tonight is the night. this is the week that it's all going down.

bye bye crib. hello big girl bed.

hello big girl. man, time flies....